A Letter To My Daughter
Dear Sylvia, I cannot believe how fast your growing. It seems like only a moment ago that I held you in my arms for the first time. Life has never been easy for us. Becoming a Mother has been a challenge. You are my miracle child. When I was only 16 I was told by doctors I would never have a child but 10 years later my desire to become a mother lead me to get fertility treatment. I wanted you more than words can describe.
Pregnancy Problems - Cholostasis and Gestational Diabetes
The pregnancy was not easy. I was very unwell. At 20 weeks pregnant someone crashed into the family car. I was taken to the hospital and was bleeding. I was told there was a chance I may have lost the baby, you my miracle child. I remember going down for a scan fearing the worst and the relief I felt to know you were still there.
The pregnancy became difficult. I developed gestational diabetes and then Cholostasis in pregnancy which meant I had liver problems during pregnancy. My skin was itchy and yellow and I was warned there was a chance of stillbirth. I spent many weeks in the hospital before the doctors decided to induce early labour.
The labour took three days. You finally arrived. You had sugar issues and jaundice but we got through. The labour process, however, gave me permanent brain damage. My pituitary gland was damaged. It's called Sheehan's disease. This started a process of failing endocrine function for my adrenals and other important hormones.
No Breast Milk
I held on and did my best as your Mother. I tried to breastfeed but the damage to my pituitary meant no breast milk production and it broke my heart to be unable to feed you. Having a bottle was not that bad. You loved your feeds and slept soundly through the night. You were a fantastic baby.
It wasn't easy though. I didn't realise there was no breast milk for some time and I tried and tried over to feed you. In the end, things worked out but it was really difficult at the start and we really did struggle.
Leaving an Emotionally Abusive Relationship
At six months of age, I decided to leave your father. There was abuse in the home and I had to protect you. I had to keep us both safe physically and emotionally and so I did what any loving mother could. I left the man I loved and started life just me and you. We moved from Hamilton New Zealand to Auckland City. I did my best to keep us safe. I fought in the courts for you, got custody and a protection order. You became my sole responsibility and we moved home to England.
Our Fight Against Social Services
We settled in West Yorkshire and life was great until Family Services came knocking at the door. At 4 years old our little family has torn apart. I was wrongly accused of spending time in a psychiatric hospital overseas. I was accused of many terrible things which were false and untrue and you were placed in Foster care for 9 months.
I found myself in the Leeds Court fighting against social services for you once more. I had to prove the errors and lies and as heartbreaking as it was I fought hard and we won. Family Services realised their social worker had lied and created untrue stories. You were returned home and we worked hard to rebuild what had been torn apart. There was a government investigation and we received an apology and compensation.
Pituitary Gland Damage and Adrenal Insufficiency
In 2013 Mummy got married. You were blessed with an amazing stepfather and we moved to Lancashire as a family.
By this time my adrenal glands had failed completely and I ended up very unwell.
It took three years of tests, procedures and 22 adrenal crisis to get the medication I needed to manage the damage to my pituitary. Pituitary damage leads to adrenal Insufficiency and Growth hormone deficiency.
I now have a 24-hour adrenal pump and daily human growth hormone injections.
I get replacement therapy for the endocrine hormones my body does not produce.
I fought for my treatment and have to pay every month. It'a real cost for the family.
The NHS won't fund my adrenal pump supplies, they won't accept my health has improved.
Well, the doctors will but not the people in charge of the money strings.
I still suffer from chronic fatigue and still have issues with Iron, B12, Zinc and other vitamin levels.
However, my adrenal health is stable and I no longer go into hospital for weeks at a time.
I am able to be home with you and although I am not and can't be the mum I wanted to be or dream of being, I do my best.
I love you and the fight goes on. I will continue to battle through the health system to stay well and do my best to give you the life you deserve.
I am a good Mother. I always have been. I have always loved you and I always will.
You are my world and everything I do in this life is for you. I look forward to seeing you grow and hope this coming year is a wonderful time for you.
Love Mummy.
I hope you enjoyed this heartfelt letter to my daughter. You may also enjoy a Poem I wrote for Sylvia called The Beauty From Within!
That's a beautiful letter to your daughter who you obviously fought very hard to have and also to protect and keep. I'm sorry you both have been through such a rollercoaster and I wish you better health and smooth sailing from here xx
Thankyou. It has been a roller coaster but in the end we still have each other and i'm so blessed.
Aww, this was beautiful to read. Sounds like you both have been through a lot and it is great that you are there for each other.
thanks. 🙂
What a beatiful letter to your Daughter, and shows that no matter what life has thrown at you, you have fought and won and have such an amazing bond. I really hope you both now have a smoother journey. There really is no bond like and mother and her child x
Thanks. It's true. You can go through a lot in life and it either makes you stronger or breaks you. These experiences have made my bond with my daughter very strong.
Such a beautiful letter! I can't believe everything you two went through but I hope it only gets better from here!
It sure will! 🙂
This is beautiful. It will be nice to look back on this and for her to read when she is an adult herself. I know they grow up so fast and it is a crazy ride we take as parents.
Thanks. She can read it when she is older!
Love the tiara and the pictures are great! Great to hear that your health has improved. Hoping that both of you continue to smile like this together.
Thanks
Aw...what a super sweet letter to your daughter! You clearly have been through some medical challenges in regards to bringing her into the world, but keep showing strength and positive ways to get through any of it! Hugs to you!
thanks so much. It has been tough but worth it for Sylvia.
Sounds like you have been through such a struggle. But you have an amazing daughter and you are an amazing mum.
it has been tough but we are doing great now - besides the health challenges.
Such a beautiful letter you have written to your daughter. I am sure she gets older she will appreciate everything you have done for her.
thanks Janel.
I've been thinking of doing something like this! Heartfelt posts are always the best!
It is a great thing to do. I want to write to Sylvia each year so why not do it on the blog.
It breaks my heart how much you have been through and saddens me that the government are not doing another to offer you more to improve your health. Keep battling though, look how far you have come. Sylvia must be so proud to call you her mum x
Thanks Ana. It is tough and I hope I can keep fighting for the treatment I need under the NHS. It is tough when there are so many sick people out there.
This is beautifully written, I have just had my second son so I can draw so much from this. There is really is no love like it and it can be so overwhelming. I wish you all the best x
Thanks so much! 🙂
Aren't children such a blessing? I thought I would never have any but surprise...I was blessed with two boys!
they sure are!
What an amazing letter to your daughter, you have both been through so much and hopefully there is only light for you ahead.
What an emotional but beautiful lettet, written straight from the heart.
thanks Nayna
Awww. That made us emotional. Sylvia is such a bright, bubbly star and sounds like a strong cookie - just like her mum x
Thanks. She is a strong cookie 🙂
aww such a beautiful letter - something lovely to look back on too.
What a powerful story of perseverance! I hope your daughter has your strength and that you both have better health!
thanks
Bless you both, it sounds like you have had an incredibly tough time. I'm so glad you have each other.
thanks so much. It has been tough but tough times give you character and strength!
It sounds like you went through a great deal not only to have your child but also to keep her safe and to even keep her later. It's shocking what people can do.
Sometimes we can't control what others do to us but how we react!
What a heart touching letter. Thanks for letting us have a glimpse into your heart. Loved it.
Thanks. Your welcome.
This is so beautiful! You have been through so much but I know seeing your daughter grow is all you need.
thankyou 🙂
Aw what a beautiful letter to read, so heartfelt. You're very lucky to have your daughter as she is to have you xxx
This is beautiful! She is a beautiful little girl. I'd love to write letters to my kids someday to give to them when they are older.
you are such an amazing mother! I look forward to having a daughter someday. My mom and I are very close like you and your daughter!
I am so sorry for everything you have had to go through! You guys are lucky to have each other!
What a beautiful letter.. This made me cry. I can feel that you're getting stronger and better because of your daughter. YOU'RE A STRONG PERSON AND I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! Sending lots of love.. from Philippines!
thanks so much 🙂
What an amazing, difficult, inspiring story you and your daughter share! I wish you all the luck in the future, and a continued wonderful relationship with your daughter.
thanks. I am glad this is inspiring to you. I am sure we will only progress from here.
What an incredible story. You are a true fighter and your daughter is lucky to have you as are to have here.
thanks. 🙂 We are both blessed to have each other.
You have both clearly been through a tough time - Such a lovely letter for your daughter 🙂 x
thankyou 🙂
Ohh, this post is so heartwarming. I can see the love you have with your daughter. I hope she would grow as the way you want her to be.
What a beautiful, honest and heartfelt letter, you've both been through so much but you're so lucky to have each other x
thanks Stephanie.
such a beautiful letter! It's horrifying that you have been through so much, I cannot imagine what I would do if my son was taken from me because of someone's lies! I don't know how you have remained so strong through it all!
thanks. It has been horrifying at times and I'm glad life is much better now.
That is such a heartbreaking but beautiful letter. Your daughter is going to be a very strong girl and she will have you to thank for that. Xxxx
thanks.She is a strong child and will grow up to be a strong wall.
So sorry that you have been through so much but it just goes to show how strong of a person you are!
Thanks. Your right. I am a strong person or I have become one.
very heartfelt and true. You've come so far as a family and I have nothing but well wishes for you two. I hope you guys live a happy life full of love from now on. Keep being strong.
thanks
This is such a beautiful letter. Pregnancy can be so tough, can't it. But just seeing them smile makes it all worth it.
Sounds like you have had a really tough time! At least you have your gorgeous daughter to help you through. x
Beautiful letter, you've battled through so much hardship with such resilience! I'm sure she'll love reading this one day 🙂
Thanks Emily. We sure have and it's made us stronger 🙂
Such a difficult but somewhat beautiful journey that you have both been on. What a wonderful story to read x
Thanks Ashleigh!
Awwwh such a beautiful open letter! What a journey it has been!!!
Whoah. This post literally made me cry. A beautiful letter to your daughter, yet a sad and poignant one listing all the trials you have both faced.
However, you have faced them and beaten the worst of them. You can see by your photographs how close a relationship you have, and clearly you will fight like a lioness to protect your daughter,
I wish you both well xxx
thanks so much lovely. I appreciate your comments.
One never knows what goes on in other people's lives, and it's so beautiful that you decided to write this letter to Sylvia, and allowed us to have a peek into your life and hardships. I am certain you are a wonderful mother as Sylvia always looks so happy in the photos you share with us. Good for you for fighting the good fight! x
Thanks so much. 🙂
this is absolutely beautiful to read. I'm trying to hold back to tears at work right now! i adore you both 🙂
Thanks Nicol 🙂 I appreciate your comments.
This post had me reaching for the tissues, Angela 🙂 You are one amazing mummy and you and Sylvia are so lucky to have each other
Louise x
Thanks lou. She is my adorable princess.
Lovely letter you have been through so much Angela and you are such a fighter and a fabulous Mum x
Thanks Laura. It has been one heck of a journey!
Such a lovely letter. I had no idea you've been through so much struggles, but you're strong and doing a great job as a mother!
Thanks lubka. It's been a long journey!
One of my nanny children has recently got into Spiderman. I bet he would like the Spider-Man Rapid Reload Blaster - it looks like lots of fun
Awesome! The blaster is pretty cool!
Such a lot of heartache Angela, some really tough stuff there. I've said it before though, seeing you guys together is just beautiful, and I have read some wonderful things that you do together. I do hope that although things are so hard, and you face big struggles, that the wonderful life with your daughter continues to give you hope, love and courage to stay strong.
thanks so much.I know things get tough but we are happy and that is what counts!
What a lovely letter to your daughter and you've been through so much but it makes you and her stronger. You've doing a lovely job and she is beautiful. The backpack is also great 🙂
Thanks Kirsty! i appreciate this!