Why Some People Need To Bog Off
Growing up I had my fair share of bullying and receiving of “false messages” about my self-worth and value as a person. It’s taken years to overcome this and to realise that I’m a fantastic person. I’m kind, fun to hang out with, loving and generous and my true friends know it.
I guess when your surrounded by toxic people at an early age it is really easy to get sucked into the negative messages they send especially as a child or young adult. Now as an adult and after many years I can much more easily recognise toxic people. You know the ones who just bring you down, who speak negative and make you feel rubbish about yourself, without you even realising it.
Some of my friends are fantastic and are there for life. They would do anything for me and we are great friends. However, some people simply want to suck my energy and drain me and they are the people who I don’t need in my life. They are the people who need to bog off.
I will no longer be used.
When Sylvia was a little baby, I had a friend. I thought she was really nice. She invited me to places and did my hair and even helped me to pick out nice clothes. I thought this friend was great! She was cool and in with the popular people. However, the truth is this person was NEVER a real friend. She was my friend because I had a car. I would let her borrow my car if she needed to. I’d pick her up when she needed a sober driver and help watch her baby when she wanted a night out.
Back then, over 8 years ago, I’d only just come out of an abusive relationship and I guess having someone who made me feel important was like the hook I psychologically needed to keep my self-esteem high.
When you step back and take a look at the real picture, this “so called friend” was only interested in what I could do for her. I was also being sent “hidden messages” like my hair was not good enough, my makeup was not good enough, my clothing style wasn’t good enough and this fed into my low self-worth which I had developed.
It wasn’t until Sylvia was a year old and I’d completed a self-development course called “Reclaiming myself” that I began to really see and recognise those people who were only my friend for gain.
It’s taken years for me to grow in confidence and a little step at a time but when I finally put my foot down and told this “friend” no back in 2009, she slowly dwindled away until the friendship was no more and I wouldn’t have a clue where she is today. I really don’t care but I’m glad she was in my life when she was as it helped me to learn and grow and become a stronger person.
However, I’m even more glad this “person” has bogged off and is no longer a part of my life. I guess some people are just leeches. They take take take and whilst for some it’s easy to stand up to this, for others it will be a difficult process.
I think when people try to use you and you stand up to them it will either go one of three ways. They will accept it – which in my experience is a rare occurrence, they will back off and return to the dark slimy place they crawled out from or they will become abusive.
I decided this year I want to speak out about abuse, about relationships and friendships, self-esteem and confidence and the things which I and others can do to keep ourselves emotionally safe. I truly have been through the ringer and have a lot of experience and great advice to share and my first piece of advice is to ditch the friend who only takes.
I look forward to writing more about my thoughts on these subjects and hope you can join me for the ride this year. You never know, It may just help you tell someone who needs to BOG OFF with a big captial B to go jump!