Why Some People Need to Bog Off: Learning to Set Boundaries
Why Some People Need To Bog Off
Growing up I had my fair share of bullying and receiving of “false messages” about my self-worth and value as a person. It’s taken years to overcome this and to realise that I’m a fantastic person. I’m kind, fun to hang out with, loving and generous and my true friends know it.
I guess when your surrounded by toxic people at an early age it is really easy to get sucked into the negative messages they send especially as a child or young adult.
Now as an adult and after many years I can much more easily recognise toxic people. You know the ones who just bring you down, who speak negative and make you feel rubbish about yourself, without you even realising it.
Some of my friends are fantastic and are there for life. They would do anything for me and we are great friends.
However, some people simply want to suck my energy and drain me and they are the people who I don’t need in my life. They are the people who need to bog off.
Contents
I will no longer be used so Bog Off!
When Sylvia was a little baby, I had a friend. I thought she was really nice. She invited me to places and did my hair and even helped me to pick out nice clothes.
I thought this friend was great! She was cool and in with the popular people. However, the truth is this person was NEVER a real friend. She was my friend because I had a car.
I would let her borrow my car if she needed to.
I’d pick her up when she needed a sober driver and help watch her baby when she wanted a night out.
Back then, over 8 years ago, I’d only just come out of an abusive relationship and I guess having someone who made me feel important was like the hook I psychologically needed to keep my self-esteem high.
When you step back and take a look at the real picture, this “so called friend” was only interested in what I could do for her.
I was also being sent “hidden messages” like my hair was not good enough, my makeup was not good enough, my clothing style wasn’t good enough and this fed into my low self-worth which I had developed.
Reclaming Myself
It wasn’t until Sylvia was a year old and I’d completed a self-development course called “Reclaiming myself” that I began to really see and recognise those people who were only my friend for gain.
It’s taken years for me to grow in confidence and a little step at a time but when I finally put my foot down and told this “friend” no back in 2009, she slowly dwindled away until the friendship was no more and I wouldn’t have a clue where she is today.
I really don’t care but I’m glad she was in my life when she was as it helped me to learn and grow and become a stronger person.
However, I’m even more glad this “person” has bogged off and is no longer a part of my life. I guess some people are just leeches. They take take take and whilst for some it’s easy to stand up to this, for others it will be a difficult process.
I think when people try to use you and you stand up to them it will either go one of three ways. They will accept it – which in my experience is a rare occurrence, they will back off and return to the dark slimy place they crawled out from or they will become abusive.
Speaking Out About Abuse
I decided this year I want to speak out about abuse, about relationships and friendships, self-esteem and confidence and the things which I and others can do to keep ourselves emotionally safe.
I truly have been through the ringer and have a lot of experience and great advice to share and my first piece of advice is to ditch the friend who only takes.
I look forward to writing more about my thoughts on these subjects and hope you can join me for the ride this year. You never know, It may just help you tell someone who needs to BOG OFF with a big capital B to go jump!
Angela x
What an empowering post! I think that it is great that you are sharing your experiences and that you will do in future. It will be good for you and I am sure that it will help other people who are going through similar xxx
Thanks Emma! 🙂 It’s great to here such positive feedback. I am so excited to be sharing some great content in the coming weeks.
I loved reading this post.This will definitely help a lot more people out there.I wish you a good luck and keep sharing your experiences
thanks so much eazynazy 🙂
What a great post Angela, and I had a friendship like this in my teens so I know exactly what you’re talking about. A true friendship is give and take, not just take x
I totally agree. It took me time to realise and is a great thing to share because it can really drain you when someone is like that!
I completely agree. I can think of a quite few people who need to bog off. Nobody online those. xx
I appreciate this sentiment, and I’m so glad for you that you’ve managed to identify some good friendships and dispense with those which weren’t so good for you. I’m moving soon so about to start over again with trying to make new friends, which can be very hard. Wish me luck!
This is a great post Angela! Looking forward to reading more that you have to say about friendship and self esteem. I think lots of people will be able to relate to this. xx
It’s like life has shown me so much of the ugly in people… I hear you about just speaking out about it, and also knowing your self worth!
I love the fact that you took a development course and became a stronger person. It’s all to easy for nice people to let ourselves be ‘used’ but you definitely have learn to say ‘no’ once in a while and your real friends won’t have a problem with that!
I love that you chose to write about these topics because they’re rarely talked about and people need to speak up to serve as an inspiration to others who are going through the same thing, especially the younger generation. I look forward to more of your posts.
Thanks Elizabeth. It is important that there is a source of information for people needing support to overcome these type of challenges.
How great you were able to gain your confidence back following that negative relationship experience. You are helping a lot of people by speaking out!
Thanks Natalie. It is great and I hope speaking about these things helps.
Ughhhh that was my life forever!!! People always used me back when I was younger. I was picked on in elementary school because of my eyes so I fell into the using…. thankgod I have a backbone these days and know what real friendship is
Oh yes I know it’s never fun having yucky toxic people!
Love this empowering post. It is a shame that we learn that we need to leave toxic people behind when we get older. But how great it is that we learn it–it is honestly never too late! Be happy and comfortable with who you are.
Thanks Leigh Anne. It is great to learn and grow and important to share this with others too!
the bullying and the discrimination I have experienced in my younger years made me be stronger, it even made me a fighter and a warrior in life…
Sorry to here this. It does make us stronger but is never nice to go through in the first place.
This is a great post – I do think some of that realization comes about with age, wisdom and experience. You just get to a point where you start to evaluate toxic situations.
Yes our experiences do help us and we have to grow to have these situations. I think the older you get the more you learn.
One of the things that get me is the people who have that passive-aggressive dark cloud hanging over their head. They are such an energy drain to be around. I’ve had a couple of friends in my lifetime who were toxins in disguise.
Yes! We don’t need people who drain our energy or happiness around us! I totally agree.
What an inspiring post! I’m glad that you got rid of that “friend”. I have had a couple of people like you mention in my life, but little by little they have left my life and I’m so glad. I prefer to be alone than to have friends who just take.
I feel the same too!
I had my fair share of negativity growing. I was bothered by but I am happy I didn’t allow it affect my outlook on my self. I feel as though it made me put up a barrier.
Delaine | http://delainemyles.com