Leaving an abusive relationship is never easy. It's not like you can just get up and leave. An abusive relationship is about power and control. When you rebel and try to take that power back things can get dangerous.
Leaving can be a dangerous time and must be done carefully and often takes weeks or months to prepare. Once I decided I had to get out for good, it took me two weeks. I'm so glad I left.
I cannot imagine what my life would be like had I stayed. I may have ended up mentally unwell, maybe killing myself, maybe my daughter would have grown up in a volatile and miserable environment.
Maybe she would have been taken away. I made the right choice and decided to follow a new path, a new life for me and my child and here is the next part of my story.
Leaving abuse part one and leaving abuse part two can be found here.
Leaving Abuse Part Three
During the last two weeks of my marriage, I had to endure some terrible things. Whilst I secretly planned my escape in my head and slowly gathered my precious belongings one item at a time in a way I would not be detected, I continued to suffer abuse. My husband decided to spit in my face. I did not know why. I had not done anything wrong. I asked him why? Why did you do that? He was clearly mad I had been resting in a chair.
I was not allowed to rest. Yet his words somewhat shocked me. "Baby Sylvia wanted daddy to spit on Mummy". How could he say that? It had nothing to do with the baby. He was using the baby to play with my mind and this was so wrong. I knew it and I wanted to just walk out but I could not. I was distraught but unable to leave. I continued to plan mine and Sylvia's escape.
Finding a Way to Escape Abuse
I love my mum, she is an amazing mother and friend. When I had the chance to let my mum know that I needed to leave my abusive marriage I did.
She and my dad came and picked me and Sylvia up while my husband was out at a rugby match. My Mum loves me to bits and she really did not know all that was going on but when I was able to tell her she came and took us away. She protected me the way I wanted to protect my little one.
Mum kept me safe and helped me find a women's refuge home in Auckland city whilst I got a protection order against my husband and mother in law. She really did help me and for that I will forever be grateful.
When you leave an abusive marriage, many people watch from the sidelines. They judge without the full facts and often the abuse is minimised and your made to sound crazy.
Abuse is denied. You are labelled fussy, or a cheat, or "unable to stick to a relationship". You are often told your breaking up a family....The harsh realty is when I left my abusive marriage I was a WARRIOR.
I was a strong and brave woman who stood up for myself and protected me and my child like the mama bear I am.
Yes I was judged and blamed for splitting a family but the truth is... the abusive actions of my now x-husband resulted in our family splitting up and I will never accept the blame for that!
I will continue this series on the blog in a few days. I want to share my story and I will. To read more of my story, visit my Instagram Feed.
You can also visit my Speak Out section of The Inspiration Edit.
Angela x
More posts you may be interested in:
My First Divorce The Raw Truth
Don’t Put The Blame On Me, Lies, Affairs And Abuse
You are an amazing woman. So many women never get out of abusive relationships and you did it 🙂
I sure did ..but it took a lot of effort to leave.
I am really glad you had the bravery to get away. I can't even imagine being in that situation. I am sorry you were ever judged or blamed. You didn't deserve that at all!
I think that often happens when someone leaves an abusive relationship, especially when a lot of the control and abuse is hidden in the home and people on the outside see a happy family.
It's never easy to make changes even when it's a change for the better. I am glad you did make the choice to end the abuse. I just wish my BFF would do the same. I worry about her.
It's so so hard and I have watched many stay in this kind of situation and I understand why they do... it is almost too hard to leave.
I am so glad your Mum was there to help you get away and she took you somewhere safe. That bond always means a lot.
yes she was great to me. She even got labelled for helping me as someone who breaks family's up but she was protecting us and doing what's right.
You are an amazing woman for writing this. I'm so happy to know that you and your daughter are living a much better life now c
It is much better now.
I am always amazed and encouraged by your story and hope it helps someone who might be going though the same if not similar to what you went through
Thankyou. I will keep sharing.
Your ex husband is such a terrible man! You are so strong for getting out of this and lucky your family was there to help. I think your story is really important coz it could give the strength to other women to get out of their abusive relationship
His behaviour was terrible.
You are a strong woman! Sure it was difficult for you to escape from this situation, but you did it, for you and your daughter, this is a beautiful example for all women in this situation!
Thanks
Good for you. You are right, I lot of people set from the sidelines and judge. But getting your truth out is all that matters. Thanks for sharing a powerful blog.
thanks
Aw hun it still hurts me that such a good person like yourself has been through so much pain but you know what you are more than just a warrior. You are a freaking super hero and I am very lucky to have you as a friend. Thank you for being a good human being. Can't wait to finally meet you xx
Thanks Ana. I am a super hero lol. To my daughter anyway! I am looking forward to seeing you too.
Thank you for sharing your experiences and thoughts with us. So happy that you were able to leave such an abusive relationship, and I hope you and your daughter can enjoy each other and life in general.
We are doing now...It has just been a journey to get here!
You are an amazing warrior! My heart hurts to know of all the abuse you went through. But you survived and have provided a wonderful new life for yourself and your daughter. Kudos to you for being so brave and sharing your story of survival.
Thanks. I really do appreciate you reading and commenting. 🙂
Great post! Keep it up! Will check the next one!
Thanks.
I know that it is not easy to change anything but I am so glad that your mom is beside you. You are so strong and you deserve a happy life. Thanks for sharing
It is not easy but my mum was great for us.
I would like to say, Congrats for leaving your past relationship. That is worth celebrating with your kiddo. Be fabulous, always.
Thanks. It is a great thing to say we have been abuse free for 9 years!
Thank you for sharing your story! You are so strong for being able to open up about all of this.
Your welcome. I am hoping it helps another.
You are a courageous woman and so strong to share your story with the world.
Thanks. It is so important to share my story. It may help others in similar situations desperate for support.
Staying in an abusive situation is never healthy. Thanks for sharing your very personal story. Someone will learn from your experiences