When Chronic Illness Holds You Back
THE ADRENAL DIARIES THREE
Today I wanted to write about chronic illness and how it can sometimes hold you back and make life difficult. Well that’s how I feel at the moment. I have a number of conditions, the most serious being Adrenal insufficiency and having chronic illness means I can not always reach my full potential. It’s hard at times learning to live with chronic health conditions. I had so many dreams and goals before becoming unwell. We had dreams of growing the family, plans for me to to return to my teaching career, plans to earn a good living, own a home, visit family overseas and the reality is, that with chronic illness my plans and our family plans have had to change.
I remember sitting in bed upset and sad in 2015, wishing life was different. I wished I was not always unwell. I wished things could be different but they are not and that is something I have tried to come to terms with over the past 4 years. When you’re unwell you’re told to find a new normal, to learn to live with disability and illness and to get used to it. I do my best to be positive, to achieve all I can despite being unwell but the harsh reality is my illness holds me back in so many ways.
I share fun parts of my life, the things I try to do with and for my child here on The Inspiration Edit. I also share things that I create and make. I recently started a rock painting hobby and I am loving it. I only do it about once a week due to tiredness but when I do it is so enjoyable. Painting has become something I really enjoy when I feel well enough and up to it. I also try to share crafts and fun ideas on my blog and love to write reviews of products and toys for my family and daughter.
However, I am not a healthy person who is able to work a nine to five job. I am not a blogger who can work set shifts or work full time earning a living. I am a mother with serious health conditions. I share what I can, I share my own ideas and crafts and thoughts and I also at times share crafts or ideas made for my blog by a blog assistant. Why would I do that you might ask? Well the answer is I have a vision for my blog, to be Inspirational, to share my family lifestyle but also to share fun ideas for kids. I have plenty of ideas but I am not always well enough to make them myself or able to put the energy into this. So I create the ideas myself when able and some ideas I have created for my blog. Some people don’t like that I do this. Some say a blogger should only share content created by the blogger but many bloggers have assistants for social media management and or other tasks and the support I get when I do get it works for me. I’m not a fake. I am real. I share real content but just like a lifestyle magazine, if every single piece of content was written and created by one writer (who was sick) and unable to dedicate all the time they needed to then the magazine would not last long. I want my blog to last and so I need a little support from time to time to keep it going.
I’d love to have energy to make craft videos, to be an active part of a daily blog support group, to join a instagram pod and attend events I am invited to but I am not a regular blogger. I am a disabled blogger, a sick blogger. I am a blogger who can share but can’t always physically be where I want to be or physically do what I want to do. Despite the difficulties I face, the blessing of writing a blog when your unwell is that you can write during the better times and schedule posts to go out when your unwell which helps maintain consistency in blog posts. I do batch work and prepare posts in advance for those days I am more unwell and need more rest.
This weekend for example I was in hospital. Who would have known? I was very unwell. I went to the resus unit and had treatment as I was heading into an adrenal crisis. Yet, my blog continued as if I was at home because a lot of my content is written in advance and scheduled. I just couldn’t promote my work as much as I would on social media if I was home and well.
However I am home now and I am writing this. It’s a thoughtful piece on my health, on my frustrations and difficulties. Since coming home from hospital and for a week or so beforehand, I have struggled to do much. It is frustrating, however the reality is I will never be able to work full time or work on my blog full time in the same way a healthy blogger would. I’ll do my best and I’ll adapt and do it my way. I won’t apologise for being me, for being ill, for having help with creating crafts and fun food ideas to share on The Inspiration Edit alongside my own content. The inspiration edit is my narrative and story and I’ll tell it my way. Just like a sick person may need adaptations in the home to help get from place to place, I need adaptations for my blog which some bloggers with good health may or may not need and sadly some do not understand.
People may want to be critical of my style of blogging but I really don’t care. I will do my best, write my way, continue to share my content and from time to time ideas made for my blog. I will do my best to earn money from the blog to help cover medical costs and bills and keep being me.
Chronic illness makes things hard but I will keep going after my dream and even if I am not earning what others do, I will keep writing, inspiring, sharing and creating and work towards our “new normal”, our new family goals and dreams, even if they are hampered and shaped by chronic illness.