100 Thought's I Have When I'm Sick

The past few months, weeks and days have been really difficult for me. My health is continuously a battle and I've really struggled for so long it's been getting me down quite a lot. I have been sleeping, resting and doing my best to get by, however, it's not been easy and today I thought I'd share some thought's or saying's that I think, but often don't say out loud. 

My goal is to be positive with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue but you know what, it's okay for things to not be okay. It is okay to feel like crap and feel sad because my health is not good right now and it's okay to feel. 

So here are my feelings and thoughts. 

100 Thought's I Think When I'm Sick

1. I can't cope.
2. This sucks, I just want to feel normal again. 
3. But this is my normal, my new normal.
4. I can't think straight.
5. I have so much to do and can't even get out of bed. 
6. I'm so hungry but too tired to eat.
7. The laundry needs washing. My daughter needs clean clothes. 
8. I'm such a bad mother, I don't spend enough time with my child. 
9. The school sent a letter - my child's BMI is too high, it's because I'm sick. I don't have the energy to cook healthy meals. 
10. I knew microwave meals were a bad idea. 
11. But if we didn't do microwave meals on my bad days, it would be sandwiches. 
12. We need more fruit and vegetables.
13. I'll have to write a list and send my husband to the shop.
14. When he comes home. 
15. Man, I can't cope. 
16. I have so much to do.
17. I'm too exhausted. 
18. I'm in pain. 
19. My head hurts.
20. I have those stabbing pains again and want to throw up.
21. Did John remember to turn the dryer on?
22. I feel so cold right now. 
23. I have so many emails to reply to, they are going to have to wait. 
24. My messages are going crazy. 
25. I don't feel like chatting today. I just want to rest. 
26. I wish people would understand. They must think I'm so anti-social. I'm not, I'm just exhausted and in pain. 
27. I need to find a way to handle everything.
28. The kitchen is still a mess. 
29. I hope John does the dishes when he gets home, and does the shopping and takes Sylvia to her activity and sorts out the laundry. 
30. Poor John, he is going to be burnt out too. 
31. People constantly say he should get a job! Hello, we are self-employed, we both work, he also cares for me, the dogs and a child. 
32. My husband takes me to all my hospital appointments. Who would do that if John was out every day? Self-employment allows him to stay home most days. 
33. My husband has a job, in fact, he has more than one job. He is doing so much. It's just not what the average Joe does. 
34. But then the average Joe doesn't have a sick wife with Adrenal Insufficiency and other health issues. 
35. People say John shouldn't play his computer games. Is he not allowed downtime? Should he be working a 60 hour week? 
36. I am too demanding.
37. Oh man, I need to vomit.
38. I hope Sylvia has a good day at school today. 
39. I hope she is not bullied. 
40. Year six is really tough on Sylvia. I know she hates maths and English, I wish I had the energy to teach her myself. 
41. If I wasn't sick I'd totally do homeschool. 
42. I feel really guilty actually about that. 
43. In fact, I feel guilty that she is having school dinners and not pack lunches. 
44. Sylvia has never had packed lunches.
45. At least school dinners are warm and she get's a lovely meal she enjoys. 
46. Also, that's one less thing John and I have to stress over- making lunch in the morning. 
47. Man, I'm so tired.
48. I need to see the doctor about my medications but I'm too tired today. 
49. I also need to see the dentist. It will have to wait. 
50. The flowers John got me for Mother's Day are beautiful, they make me happy.
51. I'm so sad that I was sick for Mother's Day and couldn't do anything. 
52. I can't believe how much time I am spending in bed each day. 
53. I'm shattered.
54. I'm going to go back to sleep soon. 
55. What essential oil can I use to help me sleep? I know lavender! 
56. I love essential oils. They are really helping me to calm down. 
57. I think I need some right now. Yes, I do, lavender will help me to relax more. 
58. I need to get my daughter some new shoes. 
59. And a new hairbrush.
60. I can't believe she cut a load of her hair off yesterday. It looked so bad. 
61. I'm glad I trimmed it and fixed it up. 
62. But I wish I'd had the energy to take her to the hairdressers instead, that would have been good. 
63. Well, I did my best. 
64. I do feel like a bad mother. 
65. But I know deep down I'm not. 
66. I do my best but I feel like it's not good enough. 
67. People say don't be too hard on me. 
68. They are right! 
69. But I still wish I could do more for my child. 
70. It's so unfair for my daughter. Social media and the blog only show part of our life. No one sees how lonely it can be at times when mum is sick and dad is busy and there is no one to hang out with.
71. Sylvia says she wants a sister. 
72. If only I was well enough!
73. My dream to have lots of kids went down the toilet. 
74. I wish I wasn't sick. 
75. I'll try to stay positive, try to smile, try to look for the blessings. 
76. At least I have one child. 
77. Life is not what I had thought or planned it to be. 
78. I have so many thoughts in my head and things I need to do.
79. I best write a list and work on it slowly with John.
80. We are a team, I don't know how we would do it without each other. 
81. Man, I feel dizzy.
82. And sick.
83. I wonder if this is how my friend with cancer is feeling? Nauseous and sick? I hope she is okay?
84. I hope she can fight cancer and get well again.
85. What is worse? A life-threatening illness you could potentially fight and beat or a life-threatening chronic illness?
86. They are both bad. I wouldn't wish either on anyone. 
87. I'm still getting my head around the fact I will be sick for the rest of my life. 
88. I am trying to improve my health, however, there are limitations.
89. Should I just give up blogging and focus on pacing myself, resting and enjoying the good moments?
90. No!
91. Blogging is my lifeline. It keeps me sane when I am so so unwell.
92. It also helps me to connect with others. Imagine if I was home alone 24/7 with no interaction online. How boring! 
93. I can't quit anyway, we have to pay for my medication.
94. Besides I love blogging, it's the one thing that keeps me sane in this difficult world I live in.
95. People must assume I am a lot better than I am.
96. If only they knew. I guess it's hard to understand unless you experience it. 
97. Well, I better rest and go to sleep.
98. I have work to do later, so much work. 
99. I better just rest and start again when I have more strength.
100. Okay, I'm off to sleep. I better rest before my daughter gets home from school and needs me. 

Signing Off!

Angela