Contents
Shark Messages Are False Messages
The Confusion of Abuse
Welcome to Chapter Nine of
Understanding The different types of Abuse
Previously:Smothering Hammer Heads, A Form of Abuse
Chapter Nine
Shark Messages Are False Messages
The false beliefs and messages I was being fed whilst receiving abuse affected my psychological wellbeing.
Shark messages can cause victims to lose themselves, their self-worth and self-esteem. Victims of abuse can begin to feel everything is their fault and wrongly believe that they are to blame.
A Victim of Abuse can feel worthless, useless, messed up, crazy and depressed.
Shark partners place expectations on their other half as to who they are and what they should be. Sharks feed partners messages off what they should, must or ought to do. Such messages include
Be happy to be ignored
Make my family happy even if you get unwell
Accept that your needs are not important
Do what I say when I say
You have to lose weight to be loved
You must let people live in your home and support them
You have to do’ everything I want.
You have to buy me chicken
You must sponsor family members
You must give us your money.
You must rescue us from our problems.
You must not challenge me
You have to bring me a towel
Don’t put your needs first, do’ what I want
Do my schoolwork
Write my assignment
Pay my bills
Go to work, while I stay home
You must always be busy. You are not allowed time out, to relax or do anything you enjoy.
You must not talk to your friends and family.
The more a victim here’s false and untrue messages, the more they believe. The more they lose their self-worth and the more they lose a sense of who they are.
A victim of abuse will eventually lose all confidence in their own selves and of what they are capable of as unique individuals.
Angela x
Next: Shark Control, Power and Control in Abuse
A very very brave post. I’m sure you being so open about this will lots of people see that there is a way out.
My friend has sadly ben a victim, so I am sure that she will appreciate such a well written honest heartfelt piece like this… I will pass the link on over to her 🙂 x
Another reason why it’s better to be single! It’s terrible that people have to suffer abuse like this.
In my home country the “make your family” statement is really important for the elders. I have never agreed with it but I do know people who for the sake of making their families happy they remained in an abusive relationship, pretending they are happy. And it’s so sad, because they are still together and he still abuses her, even if they have a child together…
yes I understand the elders and respecting the parents in certain cultures but it ended up being abusive for me and was not acceptable!
It’s good to know that you realize these messages are false as you are worth so much more than that x
Thanks Rhian. It took a long time to realise!
I’ve experienced a shark partner before and it’s so nice to know I won’t let someone treat me like that again x
Yes, it’s good to know and recognise these messages and not allow it to happen again. Sometimes it can be easy to get sucked back in though!
Hearing comments like that all the time would break me I think. You’re a super strong lady xxx
it can break you but sometimes it’s starts off so subtle that eventually it is normal and what you expect and believe.
There should be more campaign against any form of abuse. I agree, victims of abuse lose their self worth in the long run.
I wish there were. At least I am doing my part 🙂
I have never had anything like this before but I can’t even begin to think how low it makes someone feel. I bet confidence is close to non existent.
I’m glad you have not experienced this. I think it’s great for those who have not experienced this to understand and be aware incase they come across it.
Abuse is much more common than people would like to believe. It’s so important to spread the word and the message and try to help those that may not know there is a way out as they may not even recognise that they indeed are victims to abuse. x
Thanks. I totally agree. It is not good and is not acceptable and spreading the word is key to improving relationships and leaving abuse.
It’s so horrible to think that there are people out there happy to pull people down and abuse them, and worse to know that it’s happening to someone and sometimes you can’t do anything to help.
It is horrid and sometimes people are so stuck in the cycle they may not even realise it!
I still can not comprehend how somehow can inflict so much physical and emotional pain on another human being. Thanks for sharing this Angela, very brave of you
Your welcome Anosa. I think sometimes people are in a cycle and they don’t realise what they are doing is so wrong and those being abused don’t realise it either.
Identifying that these messages are false and can safely be ignored is the first step to gaining control over a situation you are not leading. I hope you raise awareness and help someone reading this post x
Thanks. I do hope this helps someone!
I can honestly say I had never hear of this term before, so I am glad you were able to educate me about it. In my daily job I work with Domestic Violence victims, and have heard them say so many times that the mental cruelty was almost worse than the physical. Thank you for your honest post xxx
Shark messages is a term I coined for my book. Yes often the emotional abuse and psychological torment from abuse is much worse than physical. It was for me!
Shark messages are just horrible, shame people put people down! Wish more people were supportive.
Agreed!
I’ve never heard of this type of abuse before being known as Shark Messages – but I agree with everyone else here, it’s just not fair on the victim 🙁 x
It’s a phrase I created to describe emotional abuse. It’s int he book I wrote at the bottom of the page 🙂