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My Journal Entry the Day after my Beautiful Baby was Born.

On Wednesday 21st May at 2:06am I became a Mother.

I am so happy. I love my daughter so much. She is beautiful. I fell in love with her the moment I saw her. She is just gorgeous. The serious pains began on Monday at 10pm, so in theory it took 28 hours.

I have never felt anything so painful in my life but she is definitely worth the pain. Well the first two days have been so difficult.

The hospital was so busy that my baby and I were considered less serious only having problems with our sugar levels.

However all the milk I had collected for her previously was used in the first few hours of her life. It was life saving- without it her sugar levels could have drop to dangerous levels.

Anyway Sylvia was so low I was told to feed her as much as possible.

I did not know how to do this and my daughter does not know how to suck and breastfeed yet.

The only option I had was to try and hand express and breastfeed.

I kept asking for help and was given jars and all the bits and pieces and was expected to just do it when I had no idea what to do.

The Nurses were too busy to speak to me.

I tried but no one would help me.

This went on for two days and  my baby went yellow with jaundice and lost weight from not having enough milk. She was too tired and had no energy to suck.

In the night my baby was crying.

I did not know what to do, the midwife came around and told me “just do it” and refused to help me.

I rang my husband and asked him to come to the hospital to comfort our baby while I tried to get milk to breast feed, nothing is coming out and the nurse says I’m not trying hard enough.

When Tevita turned up at the hospital tonight, the midwife was annoyed with me and refused to let him onto the ward.

Tevita went nuts. The Nurse called the security guards and asked him to leave. I was left alone once more with a screaming baby and no milk to feed her.

When the Nurse in the morning actually looked at my baby she realised how unwell Sylvia was and she was placed under lights for her Jaundice.

My breasts were so sore and damaged, I could not longer even try to get milk out. The nurse gave me formula in a bottle and after my starving baby had a drink she finally fell asleep.

I’ve been told not to feed my baby until my nipples are healed. So here I am in the middle of the night, 48 hours after my baby was born, using a machine trying to get out colostrum milk.

I have given my baby three night feeds and they are sending me home in the morning.

I still don’t know how to breastfeed and I will have to go buy a pump to try and help me build up my milk supply.

I don’t have any milk. I hope I can get some.

I really need to learn what to do but the nurses are so busy. I simply have no choice but to do my best on my own.

A New Mummy

Angela x

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