Today I want to speak about Mum Guilt. I’m sure I’m not the only one to have this and hope it’s something others can relate to. I guess from time to time I have a moment or an hour or even a day when I feel I could be better. I feel like I I’m not good enough, that I have failed my child in a certain area of parenting and I just wish I could have done better. Has this happened to you too?
So what triggered My Mum Guilt today? My daughter got her school report. I have to be honest, the report is outstanding. Sylvia had 97% attendance this year and two terms without a single day off.
She has the highest possible scores for attitude and effort and the highest attainment grades in 6 of the 11 curriculum subjects. The report also talks about my daughter’s caring attitude towards others and states she has has a good school year.
At first I felt proud. I felt pleased to see my daughter tries hard in all she does. I felt proud of her kindness and hard work. But then, I started to feel bad. I once was a teacher, before I became ill and as someone who is highly educated I always hoped I would play a large role in my daughter’s learning.
When I read that my child is “slightly below age related expectations” in several key subjects I started to feel bad.
I felt bad that I have not read consistently with Sylvia as often as I had hoped to. I know she does not enjoy maths and I I felt bad that I had not created fun activities to help her enjoy this subject more. I felt guilty for not doing as many fun projects at home to help Sylvia practice her writing.
I felt the Mum guilt very strong and for a few hours felt I had let my daughter down.
Now I guess this doubt and feeling of not being “good enough” is something we all feel from time to time. The truth is I am a great Mother and I do so much to help my child with her education and learning. Helping your child to get almost 100% attendance over a whole year is pretty amazing.
Also, we do do activities, and the only reason I don’t do more is because of illness and the need to rest. The reality is Mum guilt is like looking at a half empty glass when you should be looking at a half full glass.
I really am a fantastic mother. We spend time doing interest based activities. I blog and provide my child with opportunities we would not have if I were not a blogger. We do get to go to nice places as part of reviews and collaborations.
We get lovely toys to play with, many which are educational. Sylvia and I talk, she has good emotional health and is confident to trust me and let me know how she feels. We sing together, bake together, communicate and even play.
We make things and read and watch movies. Then there are times when I am not so well and Sylvia goes on an App which again is educational or fun and enjoyable for her.
At the end of the day I am doing an amazing job. The reality is my child is a May baby. Most of the children in her year group are older than her. I guess what I’m saying is that some children in Sylvia’s class are 8 months older than her.
She has perfect scores for Arts, Computing, RE, PE, Music and Geography and I guess they are the subjects she enjoys the most and are the areas we focus on at home the most.
Feeling guilty about parenting is not a new thing. I remember my mum saying she felt like she did not do a good enough job. That is crazy. She did amazing. She raised 4 children, one with severe special needs.
My sister is a Doctor, I became a Teacher. Although I am not well enough to work in that profession, I do have two degrees and my skills and knowledge have transferred into my blogging and are a blessing, especially my ability to write.
What I’m saying is my mum did wonderful and I love her for all she did and the reality is Sylvia feels the exact same about me.
So rather than feeling bad and guilty I will focus on all I have achieved as a Mum and I can say it’s pretty amazing. So every time I have a moment of doubt I am going to think of five things I am doing brilliantly and focus on the good. Mum guilt can go jump because I am a fantastic Mother and that’s what my daughter thinks!