Feeling Scared and Worried I Don’t Want to Fail
Well It’s been 5 and a half months since my gastric bypass and as much as it’s been a long road and I should be feeling more confident and happy I am actually feeling scared and worried.
Before having bariatric surgery I learnt all I could about the procedure and learnt how I would not be able to eat food with sugar again. I would not be able to eat chocolate and most certainly bread and pasta. I believed this. I was told I’d have dumping syndrome and not be able to eat certain foods. However for me this is not the case.
I can eat these foods. I can eat anything I ate before the procedure and although I was told the surgery is a tool to help with weight loss. It’s not much of a tool in regards to stopping me from placing bad food into my mouth. That’s something I have to do just like anyone else bypass or no bypass.
The thing that has worked is that I can only eat small amounts per meal. Yet I have noticed and seen others with the same procedure sharing photos of their meals which appear to be much smaller than what I have. I’m worried my pouch has stretched.
In my mind I am worried. What if the bypass has stopped working for me. I’ve hardly lost weight in 4 weeks and when I rang the dietician she said I should still be losing if I stick to the 1200 calories a day. I am sticking to that but I’m not losing.
Yes I’m on steroids and maybe that is playing a factor? I do not know why but I’m struggling to lose as I am expected to.
I clearly don’t do the same exercise others do either so maybe thats part of the reason why. However I am afraid and scared. I’m scared I wont lose any more. I’m scared I wont ever get to a healthy weight.
I was thinking about it a few days ago and thought, what if this is it? What if this is all I am going to lose. I’m now down to a size 20 which is much better than where I was before but I’d love to lose some more weight. I still have a goal to reach 15 stone for my birthday and this week I appear to have gained a pound.
I am not stuffing my face each day with chocolate or crisps. I never have done. However I am feeling hungry a lot. There are some foods I am never going to eat again- like takeaways such as MacDonalds. The smell of burgers and fast food is really gross to me now.
I do however still have a sweet tooth and I’ll have to be careful not to eat anything “too high in sugar” or “high in fat”. It’s really not easy but I need to keep at it. I’m scared of giving in and eating what I please. I could easily do that now..but I don’t want to.
It’s an emotional and mental battle. I need to keep fighting.
I really do want to join something like Weight Watchers. That could really help me. I feel like I’m no longer a bypass patient. I feel normal again in terms of food I can put in my mouth and so now I have to make these good choices.
I did make good choices for 18 months before my operation and after the first 4-5 months my weight loss stopped. I don’t want that to be the case again.
I guess it’s normal to be afraid of failing. I don’t want to fail. I want my weight loss to be a success but I am scared and I am afraid and will just have to take things one day at a time.
At least I’m being honest with myself and in how I feel. I will just have to see how things go.