Being a Mother With Chronic Illness
Being a Mother was never meant to be easy but being a mum with Chronic illness is particularly difficult and comes with it’s challenges, one’s I never expected I’d face in my life.
As a young child I always knew I wanted to be a Mother. This was my plan, I wanted to raise a family and have quite a few children. As a teen I joked about having a little rugby team of kids and after marrying young I did all I could to try and get pregnant.
I didn’t get pregnant the way I wanted. It took many years and tests and Sylvia was born as a result of fertility treatment. I’d considered donor egg treatment, adoption and IVF. Sylvia was a result of IUI treatment and she was my miracle child. I was so excited when I finally became pregnant almost 8 years after I first began trying for a child.
Daily injections and blood tests to stimulate my eggs and all the embarrassing tests and procedures were well worth it to have my little baby girl.
Once my child was born, I planned on returning to work as an early years teacher. There was a room for infants and I hoped to take Sylvia with me. She would get free childcare once I returned to work. However things did not turned out as planned. I wanted to be a stay at home mum and decided to take a year of maternity leave.
Before the year was out my life had been turned upside down. I had separated from my husband, become a single mother and I decided to take Sylvia travelling with me. We travelled to Europe, Paris and London and then visited family in Yorkshire.
I decided to settle in England, my country of birth and be a stay at home mum until Sylvia was a little older. I also began to suffer from tiredness and fatigue and hoped this would be temporary. I planned to eventually go back to working as a teacher and providing for my little girl.
Eventually I met John my current husband and in 2013 we married. Sylvia was five when John became her step dad and in a matter of weeks after the wedding I was in hospital being diagnosed with Adrenal Insufficiency.
My life (Our lives) were turned upside down. For some time I could not do the things I needed to do as a mother. I had to depend on John to do so much. So much I had taken for granted was taken from me.
-Being able to walk my child to school.
-Attending school events and parents evening.
-Cooking for my child
-Going on walks and adventures
-cleaning the home and organising
Just the simple things were no longer easy to do. I didn’t have the physical strength and life became a game of picking and choosing. Pick what is most important and give up the rest.
I hate not taking my daughter to school. I hate not being well enough to walk the distance. However I am slowly coming to terms with the fact I am not a “normal healthy” person. I have chronic illness. I’ve had the opportunity to trial the adrenal pump and I know it has improved my quality of life somewhat but there are still things I cannot do.
Having the pump allows me to have a little more energy and time for my child and I hope in future I can do more, but chronic illness robs you of so much and for three years I’ve struggled to accept I cant be who I want to.
I have to learn to be a Mother with chronic illness. I have to learn to manage the best I can with support.
One question I have is – Is it okay to have a second child? If I struggle, does that mean I should not have another daughter or son? Does having disability mean I can not provide a loving and wonderful home for another child? Does being unwell mean I do not deserve to have a second baby?
I really don’t know the answer to this. Maybe one day I might have a second child. Maybe we could adopt a child as I can’t put myself through another pregnancy- not with Adrenal Insufficiency. I know I’d be a great mother and I’d love any child of mine no matter how many or how they arrive into my life.
I think given my health we do need to be sensible…but there are parents like me and John willing to give another child a happy home and children out there needing to be adopted. Maybe this is something we could do one day- In a few years- when the timing is right?
I know being a Mother with Chronic Illness is hard work but there is no law saying I cant be a mum. Heck I am one all ready and I’d love the chance to one day grow our family if we could.