How to Make the Decision to Divorce
Even people who are used to making tough work-related decisions can have difficulty deciding to divorce. Unlike other decisions, divorce involves breaking bonds built over years of emotional investment.
Also, it is a decision that can have life-altering consequences. As such, you must be sure you are making the best decision. If you are in a marriage that you feel has reached the breaking point and are unsure whether to file for divorce, this guide highlights some tips for your decision-making process.
Be Sure It’s Not an Emotional Decision
Emotions and decision-making are never a good combination. So before taking the first step in a divorce, be sure it is not emotional. It doesn’t mean you may not be emotional, but your emotions must not be due to a one-time event.
The best way to ensure you are not basing your decision on emotions is to reflect on your feelings. Consider the actions or lack thereof that triggered the emotion or decision, the duration you have stayed while unhappy, etc.
Emotions fade with time. If time doesn’t heal or only results in more emotional pain, it is probably time to end it.
Try Open Communication
For the most part, the hurt that leads to divorce results from feelings swept under the carpet for extended periods. Sometimes, people hold on to hope that the situation will change. For others, other things, like the well-being of their children, come first, and so they take in the hurt, hoping to address the issues once the children are gone.
Unfortunately, by then, the prospect of ironing out years of hurt can be intimidating, and the seemingly easy way out is divorce. Still, you could try open communication before concluding the marriage is not salvageable.
If you can find a resolution that works for you, go for it. If you cannot agree, communication can still help make the divorce less confrontational.
Avoid Unsolicited Advice
A failing marriage can significantly affect your physical and emotional well-being. If you share your feelings with your family, friends, and colleagues, they may want to help in any way possible.
Most of this help will come as advice on coping or handling your situation based on their experiences or what they imagine would be the best thing to do. It is rude not to listen to people who genuinely want to help.
However, it is also essential to consider that their advice may not always work for you because every experience differs. So, do not base your decision on unsolicited information. Only take advice from trustworthy people, such as family lawyers and therapists.
Reach Out To Friends and Relatives
“While family, friends, and colleagues may not be the best source of advice, they can offer you much-needed emotional support,” says attorney Shawna Woods. However, you may have to establish boundaries, for example, by clarifying that only you are responsible for making the final decision on your marriage.
You can also go a step further and seek support from support groups. Support groups will often have people going through the same issues as you and can offer the comfort of knowing you are not alone.
It is also a perfect place to get referrals from service providers that could help you, such as family lawyers, psychologists, and marriage counselors.
If a divorce is inevitable, involving a family lawyer as soon as possible helps make the process much smoother and can guide you on the dos and don’ts of a divorce for the best possible outcomes.
