Christmas With Chronic Illness My Spoonie Christmas
As the days draw nearer and people begin to celebrate that magical time of year, the Christmas season, I find myself having yet another Spoonie Christmas.
A Spoonie Christmas you ask? What is that? Well what I mean is a Christmas where I have a list of things In my mind that I wish I could do but due to chronic illness and a lack of energy it simply is not possible:
Being ill during the Christmas season for many means you have to pick and choose what you will and won’t do. For me this year I chose to take my child to the Pantomime. Don’t get me wrong, this was an amazing experience however as a Spoonie a decision is more than a yes I will no I won’t, a decision is more like what will I do and what will I give up to be able to do this?
So whilst I have a small achievable Bucket List of things to do this Christmas season, here are the things I’m unable to do. The things I took for granted before illness struck. Those things every day healthy people can do without thinking, will that put me in bed rest for the next week?
This is my Spoonie Christmas
Sitting in the lounge watching my hubby and child put up the tree. I’m all positive and full of laughter. I joke and laugh as I sit and dish out suggestions for decorating. Hey I even write a blog post on how fun this is but deep down I feel the pain of not being able to join in.
I can’t stand up and decorate the tree, it would burn me out. I can’t say, let’s jump in the car and go choose a real tree this year. I’m too sick to get off the sofa and how would we got a tree in the car with a wheelchair? I could send my hubby to go get a tree but that defeats the fun of choosing one as a family.
I can’t take a trip to town or the shops to go find new decorations, to search out bargains in the charity shops, which I used to do. i have to make do with what we have because doing those activities would burn me out. I smile and pretend to be happy but the reality is deep down I feel disappointment and sadness.
Yes I had Christmas baking on my Bucket List, heck I’ve even mentioned it but the reality is its not going to happen. I’m not even well enough to cook my own meals. If I spent time baking treats, well if attempted to do so, i’d not have energy to walk downstairs or have a shower.
I’d love to make truffles and fudge like we did in he past. To create Secret Pixie gifts and bake Christmas treats to drop at the doors of our friends and run away before they see who it is. We can’t do this, I don’t have energy.
Christmas Carol Singing
I remember the days I use to go carol singing. I want my child to experience this. I find myself laying in bed saying maybe next year. I always visited the old people’s homes and attended to wish them a merry Christmas and sing carols. We would go to the Carol concert at church and join in the singing. I can’t do this. singing burns me out! It’s one thing I love to do but it uses up my energy. Maybe we can have a singing session at home instead? I compromise and try and find a way to adapt. It’s just not the same.
I’d love to sit and make Christmas gifts. I barley had the energy to wrap my daughters presents. Heck, I don’t even have the energy to choose the gifts. Before Chronic illness I would go out shopping. I love the hustle and bustle of Christmas seeing the toys and gifts on sale. This year all gifts have been bought from the Supermarket. Yes there are some lovely times but it would be great to go to a mall or shopping centre. I’m just not well enough. Maybe another year.
We have parties to attend, friends and family we would love to see at this time of year. If I had my health id be planning a. Few days I’m Yorkshire visiting friends. Some family don’t understand, “don’t you want to see us?” They ask! Of course I do but if we went visiting family for the day, I’d probably not be well enough to enjoy Christmas Day with my hubby and daughter. Heck it’s going to be tricky as it is! So this year as much as I say yes it will en nice to see you, we probably won’t do so. I’ll get my hubby to post the gifts. There’s always next year.
The list goes on and on. I do not have the energy for every day tasks. If I am to do anything to celebrate Christmas something will have to give. We plan to prepare our Christmas meal on Christmas Eve. Peel the veg the night before and put our meat in the slow cooker when my Child wakes us with her Santa stocking. It will be lovely having a Christmas dinner but it will mean exhaustion on Christmas afternoon. I currently can’t get through a day without sleep and rest. Christmas Day will be no exception.
I’m not the only one in the home with Chronic illness. My husband suffers from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Most people don’t know. It’s partly to do with the fact he was born without a thyroid. We are both spoonies and we will be having yet another Spoonie Christmas.
We will make the most of life and do what we can this festive season. We will give our child the best Christmas we can which includes attending some pantomimes which has been fun but being chronically unwell also means many sacrifices of the normal traditional Christmas activities that so many people take for granted.
We will enjoy Christmas the best we can but not without feeling bitter disappointment for that which we are unable to do due to Being a Spoonie, Chronically ill with no energy.