Kindergarten: it’s one of those things that sneaks up on you. You know, like how you can go from changing the radio station to changing the song to frantically Googling "how to prepare your four-year-old for school" at midnight.
It’s a big deal, and not just for the four-year-old. It’s a big deal for Mum or Dad, too, because for many people, it’s the first time they’ve ever had to face the reality of their child spending the day in a structured environment, away from Mum or Dad, with new people, without Mum or Dad to fix everything.
Some kids adjust immediately. Some kids adjust after weeks. Some kids adjust after longer than that. Some kids... well, you get the idea. It’s for those kids in the middle for whom this is written.
Jump to:
Understanding Emotional Readiness
Here’s something to think about for a moment: it’s not what a child can do academically that prepares them best for success in entering kindergarten.
According to the Australian Early Development Census, which monitors the development of Australian children, the single most important indicator of success in school is a child’s social and emotional development.
How well can your child manage his or her frustration levels? How well can your child ask for help from an adult?
How well can your child cope with new situations? All of this is huge in those first weeks of school. Not every child will excel in every area, and that’s just fine.
Some will excel socially but not with transitions, or excel in emotional development but not with frustration levels. It’s what you know about your child that’s important, not what your child can or can’t do.
Helping Children Feel Secure
Children are sensitive in ways that you might not expect. They may notice the slightly too bright tone that you are using as you are trying to reassure them. They may notice the tightness of a hug that lasts a fraction of a second too long.
The moral of these observations, however, is not that you should lie and say that everything is all right when it is not. The moral is that you should be honest in a way that is stable, not nervous.
The comment, "New things can feel weird sometimes, even for grown-ups," is far more stabilising than the comment, "You are going to have the best time." Establish routines at home in the weeks leading up to the start of term.
For small children, the world outside is becoming less and less familiar, and the more familiar things are at home, the calmer they are likely to be.
Building Independence Before Kindergarten
Consider what kindergarten actually requires of a child on a very practical level. They have to put their bag away, find their lunchbox, know where the bathroom is, ask a teacher, and know how to get changed after the water play.
None of these tasks, taken as a singular activity, is hard. But for a child who has always had a parent to sort everything out for them, the cumulative demand of these tasks must feel overwhelming.
The answer to the problem is not hard to find. Let them get dressed in the morning, even if it takes twice as long.
Let them work out a conflict with their siblings, even if it takes a little longer to resolve. These tasks, though they may feel insignificant, are how children build confidence, the real kind, as opposed to the pretended kind.
Encouraging Social Confidence
Social confidence at four or five is not about being the kid who talks to everyone. It is about having enough experience with other children to feel like you know how things basically work.
A study published in Early Childhood Research Quarterly found that children with stronger peer interaction experience before starting school adjusted to classroom life noticeably better in the early months.
Seek out low-pressure opportunities before the year begins. A regular playdate, a swimming lesson, a community playgroup. At home, try walking through a few common scenarios:
- How to introduce themselves to someone new
- What to say when someone takes their toy
- How to ask to join a game that is already happening
Practising these situations quietly removes some of their power when they come up for real.
Managing Separation Anxiety
Separation anxiety is often thought of as a bad word, but research into child development from the early work of John Bowlby on attachment theory tells us that separation anxiety is actually a sign of good bonding.
The aim is not to eliminate separation anxiety but to help the child build enough good experience with separation that it no longer feels like a crisis. Start this process before kindergarten.
Leave your child with a grandparent or family friend and go out. Don't stay. A good phrase, a hug, and then go. It's not cruel to leave your child with someone else for a while.
In fact, it's good. What is bad is staying. What is good is repetition. Every time you leave your child and then return as scheduled, you add one more piece of evidence that separation is temporary.
Creating Positive Routines
The key to a child's day begins the way they come to kindergarten in the morning.
A child who has been rushed to come to school, hasn't had time to eat breakfast, or has spent twenty minutes deciding if they should wear their favourite pair of shoes to school is a child who has already had a negative start to their day before they even step foot into the kindergarten doors.
A week or two before the term begins, start practising the routine at the actual time it needs to happen. Breakfast, dressed, bag packed, out the door.
Repeat, repeat, repeat. A picture schedule works well for pre-reading children who cannot yet read but can follow steps independently.
When the morning routine at home is peaceful and routine, the child comes to kindergarten with the emotional reserves to actually be present.
Visiting the Kindergarten Together
Going to a new place for the first time can be a daunting experience for anyone. It is an overwhelming experience for a four- or five-year-old to undertake on a day that may already be critical.
There is simply no way to replicate the experience of an orientation visit. Visiting kindergartens, such as Armstrong Creek Kindergarten before the first day of school for the children will help them become comfortable in this new place of learning before it becomes a high-stakes situation.
Let the children take the lead. Where would they want to go? What would they want to see?
There is a need for the children to have a certain level of agency in this first visit in order for them to feel that this place is their place, not the other way around.
The First Day Is Just the Beginning
It’s normal for a child to cry on the first morning of school. It’s normal for a child to cry for the first two weeks of school.
Emotional preparedness is not something you achieve before the first day of school.
Emotional preparedness is something that continues to develop all the way through the first year of school in response to everything your child learns to handle along the way.
What a prep period does give a child is a base. A secure home life, a certain amount of independence, a certain amount of familiarity with other children, and a morning routine that does not begin in chaos.
It’s not a guarantee against bad days. It’s a quiet start, and more often than not, it’s all a child needs.
Leave a Reply