Before I start any sort of deep dive, I want to set a few things straight. Everybody views their house differently, and that’s ok; no pressure, no judgement, just laying out a point of view that I came to after 13 years of parenting.
This is an approach that I established in my family even though my house wasn’t like that growing up.
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Young Age Is When They Learn
We want our houses to be neat. Well… For the most part… Keeping up with the housework is tough, especially with a few kids running around.
Giving them chores, handling the hard parts yourself, handling the food, making sure the overall result is presentable, yara, yara… It all takes a good amount of time.
Throw work, marriage, and other responsibilities on top of it, and the picture is clear. Chaos. And usually we don’t want other people witnessing it.
My mother has always been a very neat person. Someone who loves order and thrives in a clean and cozy environment. I’ve always admired her ability to create an atmosphere of hominess out of a couple of pillows and a cinnamon stick.
An ability I sorely lack. It was always Pinterest-worthy, and if you ever wanted to film a Clideo video in it, you could do it any time of the day, no other video creator required.
BUT, this orderliness also meant that I always thought twice about inviting people over. Will they mess up the place? Will we have enough time to clean up? What if they’re not even ‘close’ enough to invite?
No judgement, again, but I decided at an early stage of motherhood to run my own house differently. Ever since the kids started having play dates with their kindergarten friends, ALL of the kids, and their parents were always welcome to come to our house for that play date.
It would give the other parents a chance to get out of their own house for a change (I know the entrapment feeling only too well) and see that the house doesn’t need to be perfect for the kids to have a great time.
And, if the parents are fun enough, I would say the magic words “you can come in your PJs if you want.” That would create an instant icebreaker, a you-don’t-have-to-pretend sort of invitation.
If you’re sad, be sad. If you’re having a good one, continue the positive vibe. Whatever.
And I get it, some people just enjoy the privacy of their own home, and that’s fine. Again, there’s more than one way of doing things. But let me tell you where it led the kids and us.
The Hangout House
Let’s fast forward a few years. Now that my kids are entering their teenage years, I started to see the result of the decision to be the hangout place for the kids and the adults around us. The kids are going through a tough time.
We, the parents, have stopped being the ‘cool’ ones in their world, naturally, and were reduced in their minds to occasional control freaks who won’t let them have fun, spend an unlimited amount of time on their gadgets, and generally disappear into the TikTok void.
That’s fine, we’re not here to be liked by a bunch of people who don’t actually know how to survive without us yet. BUT. One thing they keep practicing is inviting their friends over all the time.
The guys need a place to listen to some new music they found together? Forget about sharing links and come over. A new movie came out but no budget for the theater? Great, wait for streaming and come over.
There’s some drama happening in the class that has to be talked over around a gazillion times? The answer is still the same.
Come over. Now that the kids are old enough to get from point A to point B by themselves, and parents already know each other (for the most part), there’s no hesitation about whether it’s appropriate.
Don’t Fall Into The ‘Cool’ Trap
Hosting house is different from the ‘cool’ house, I think we can all agree. I’m 38 years old, and I could truly care less if a preteen finds me cool. They most certainly don’t.
Of course I will giggle to myself if my son’s friend finds it COOL that I listen to Metallica and not Taylor Swift, but I’ll live if my Alanis Morissette obsession flies over their head.
Also, if ‘cool’ means letting you harm yourself, drink, or pull any sort of stupid stunt, it’s not going to fly in my house. Again, I’m not here to be liked, I have a job to do.
But I hope my kids’ friends KNOW that my house is the place to come if something’s wrong, if they stuffed up, or they just need a break. Also, they can goof around.
They can make silly videos, edit them on MY computer, use MY Clideo subscription if they want to, edit them, and then send me the result. (That last one actually happened a week ago).
Benefits Of Running The Place
I think the biggest benefit is obvious. We know MOST of the people who are in our children’s lives.
Close friends are a no-brainer, of course, but even new friends are constantly invited to come over and hang out, and even when we introduce ourselves and leave the kids alone, we get a glimpse of what they’re like.
It’s not at all about control. It’s about getting a small window into the life the kids will have someday, and the principle by which they choose who to hang out with.
My son and my daughter are very different people. They have different patterns of behaviour, different reactions to the same problems, and they tend to hang around different people.
But hosting gave everybody involved a chance to get to know those people and to treat each other’s friends with respect, whether they’re your guests or your sibling’s.
I don’t know if my approach to hosting affected my kids. I will probably only know when they’re grown and have their own option to host or not.
But one thing is certain. They choose very different, unique, and exquisitely wonderful kids to be friends with, and they’re all welcome in my house.
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