When I was 10 years old I travelled to Manchester with my parents We visited a Museum that had Egyptian Mummies. I recall the visit with fondness. It was my first experience to see a real life ancient Mummy and the memory has stayed with me to this day.
The most profound memory however is not that of our trip but the shock of seeing homeless people sitting in the streets.
Growing up in a small town I had never seen the homeless before. Had I lived in Manchester or London or a city area it may have been a normal site but to see an elderly woman sitting on a piece of cardboard begging was something that tugged at my heart strings.
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Beggars can’t be choosers. An experience.
My family were not the richest and I had never been to KFC. My parents were taking us for a real treat and I asked my mum if we could buy a meal for the homeless lady on the street.
Proudly I ordered a meal, chicken, fries and beans. I ordered a drink and ran outside with my sister eager to gift this warm meal to the lady on the street.
I was feeling a real sense of compassion and charity and knew by helping someone in need I was doing a good thing. However when I gave the lady the meal, I did not receive the thanks or gratitude I might have expected. Instead the lady said to me in a piercing voice which I shall never forget, “I don’t like chicken”.
I was shocked. I didn’t know what to do, how to feel. My intentions to help someone in need were thwarted by the fact she did not like chicken. For years I have looked back on this experience and thought of how ungrateful the woman was.
They say beggars can’t be choosers and through the experiences of my earlier years opinions and views were shaped which reinforced this ideology and thought pattern.
I did not grow up rich or with everything handed to me. In fact often my father would struggle to find employment and we would walk the streets collecting cans and knock the doors hoping to sell bread bags of firewood for the fire.
I learned at a young age that to get somewhere in life you need to work hard for it. My sister and I both studied hard and did our best to get the best education. My sister is now a doctor and I have a degree in Arts (Education and Writing) as well as a teaching qualification.
I learnt to work hard for the things I needed but I also learnt to accept help when needed. In fact just like the beggar I had the notion reinforced into my mind that I should accept all the support and help I could get.
This belief system in someways is true, however at the same time it is a false truth. Whilst people should be grateful for the things they are given, we have freedom of choice and do not have to accept all that is offered to us.
As a young women I had low self esteem and whilst dating I formed the opinion, “I should date his guy because no one else would give me the time of day.” I was in an abusive relationship and he clearly reinforced my beliefs telling me no one else would ever want me and sure enough I ended up marrying the man. Once again I had the notion that beggars can’t be choosers but oh how wrong I was.
The reality is when you want someone or need something you don’t have to take the first thing that comes along. Be it a relationship, an education offer, or a KFC meal. As a blogger I do not have to accept all the review opportunities I am given, work for free or take what I am given. I have choice and can make decisions. I can wait for something better to come along, say no and know my worth.
For years I thought and assumed that the beggar woman should have accepted the chicken I offered her. Why should she choose what food she wanted when she was so poor and needy? She was down and out and lower than many and surely she should accept the help she is offered.
However this woman was a real person with likes and dislikes and maybe despite it taking many years to understand the one lesson she truly taught me is that it’s okay to say no when it’s not something you like or want to do.
It’s certainly food for thought and something I now understand more clearly. We can’t force our will on others, people are free to choose. We all have worth and despite where we find ourselves in life, be it sleeping rough on a street or living life as a mother with chronic illness, trying to get somewhere in the blogging world, the reality is we all have worth and no matter what others think we should or should not do, the choice is up to us.
I really enjoyed reading this article Angela. It’s interesting to really think about that concept of beggers can’t be choosers – we always have a choice as you say. We should always value ourselves and do what’s best for ourself. And very true on the blog front too, it takes time and life experience to realize all of these things! x
I love your conclusion. Bravo! My husband often reminds us in the family of this same sentiment, “You choose” he will say. All. The. Time. ?
Well written and well said the choice is truly yours and not what anybody else says.
It is. We are free to choose and do what we feel is best for ourselves and our families.
Interesting perspective. Reading your story of the old woman, I would have felt similarly as you. You make a good point about being able to choose. I’ve learned that very lesson recently. Know they worth and say NO when it doesn’t fit your vision, goals, or values. From relationships to careers, we should be honest with ourselves and others.
Glad to see that I’m not alone here.
Exactly… it’s something we all need to learn and it is good for thought.
I get what you are saying. They are still allowed to have likes and dislikes. Still, I would hope I’d get a thank you at least. If they didn’t want the food, I’d hope they’d know someone who would eat it. I also give food to the homeless since I don’t really trust giving money.
This is such a nice and inspirational post. Life is surprising and keeps presenting us with unexpected twists.
It sure is!
I definitely agree that regardless of what situation that you’re in, you always have a choice. though not all the choices are flexible and great for you, it’s still a choice that you can make with your own free will.
This is a really interesting way to look at it, it is interesting the lessons we can take from experiences, perhaps many years after they originally happened.
This is a very inspirational people. You can’t expect people to think like you and sometimes they might surprise you on how they behave towards you. You did nothing wrong but neither did they. They don’t have to accept everything just because it is given
So thought-provoking and empowering too, we are in control of our decisions to a huge extent. Thanks for sharing this reminder x
Thanks Vicki.
Gosh that’s such a hard lesson to learn at that age though, to feel your kind efforts had been thrown in your face. You’re right though – great post!
How rude but, as a child you can’t even articulate that. I can’t even imagine how crushed you felt. I often wonder when I see homeless on the street how many of them would jump in a car and work if it was offered. It breaks my heart but between homeless individuals and panhandlers. There’s such a fine line.
I had a very similar experience!! I offered a homeless man my packed lunch, and he said he didn’t like sandwiches. I too was also in shock, because my whole like my mom forced me to eat everything I was given and never ask questions.
But I totally get what you are saying. It took me a long time to come to that realisation too.
Great message. We should all respect others even with our differences, and we should all try to help those in need. Thanks for sharing.
This is such a great reminder to live with compassion! I love that your childhood memory has stuck with you for all these years.
You know I had an experience one time. I gave a one dollar to the beggar. He threw it in my face. He said that he wants more. Sometimes, a simply thank you will be appreciated and not like this!
What a great post! I definitely agree that we always have the possibility to choose, and we should always choose what is best for us!
I couldnt agree more! I’m a firm believer that we need to know our worth and be set on what works for us. And definitely quality over quantity.
Interesting read, thank you for shedding some light. I think I was on the same boat as you – I had always thought why were some homeless people more rejecting of food than others. What never came into mind was that they’re only humans, of course they’re going to have likes and dislikes! I think a lot of people don’t see that though because in their opinion they would think beggars should be grateful for what is being given to them.
Great write up. I have asked myself this question several times and I never reach to a conclusion that satisfies me.
Great lesson here. I always thought the same things. They can’t be choose because they are just asking for help. But I agree that it is okay to say NO.
I agree that no one should be forced to do anything you don’t want to do. And the beggar woman certainly had the choice not to accept the meal given to her, which she did. The sad thing is that sometimes the choice they made placed them there. I think you had the right heart when you were a child and did the right thing. And while she may not have liked what she was given, she should have been grateful for the gesture nevertheless. Like I can be thankful that I was offered to partner in a program, and still say I don’t want to work with a person because it doesn’t match my brand. And maybe me being thankful ends up where later on we are in a position for a better match with the brand. It keeps relationships open.
I think that is true. It is important to be grateful for the opportunities we have.
Love this post. Thanks for sharing part of your testimony. I like to believe God wants us to be happy and live well, so I am picky and choose what is best for me and my family.
Thanks.
You certainly have given us food for thought. At times we have found ourselves wondering why someone would not take a hot meal but rather want the cash. But in the end like you said they are people with there own likes and dislikes.