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I Wish My Chronic Illness Would Go Away

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t sick. I wish my chronic illness would go away. I know, I know, I have been told numerous times that people don’t want to read about my illness or hear me whinge and complain but to be honest this is my life and I’m the one struggling to get through the day due to serious health problems and if I want to flipping write about it I will.

I was feeling really sick the week before we went to Disney Land to the point I began thinking about sending Sylvia and John without me, but I made it and whilst I did break the day up and take naps and rest, I also had a fantastic time.

When I came back however I started to get worse again. I think it’s a blessing that my health improved a little while on holiday. After all I was in the sun and had no daily stress, no worries about making dinner or keeping the home clean. I could simply relax and enjoy the trip.

Now we are back home and back to reality and I have been very ill again. my blood results came back and I received a letter from the doctor and a script for urgent Vitamin D. My Vitamin D levels were dangerously low again and I knew it because I have been feeling so much pain lately.

I just want to throw up, my head hurts and the pain is unbearable at times. Everything is just more sensitive. Even my pump needles and daily injections have started to hurt when they never hurt before. I guess until my Vitamin D improves I will have to just deal with it.

My Zinc is also dangerously low and my Iron saturates have dropped again. I am going to have another Iron Infusion in two months, which is not soon enough. I will be contacting the Haematologist to try and get it sooner. Zinc affects a number of things from immune system to your nails and hair and it’s given me a daze, a brain fog which just makes it so hard to think.

I am frustrated. I want to work on the blog, I want to plan content and set goals for the next few months but the reality is I can’t think straight and I won’t be able to do this for a while. I have to take a back seat and rest, rest a lot and it’s annoying but it needs to be done.

I guess I just have to wing it and do what I can each day to get through. Sylvia is happy. That is my number one priority. She is back at school and back into her routine. Swimming lessons have begun and all is well.

I am simply resting up a lot and John and I are working as a team to care for my daughter after school. She needs her mum so if I rest all day I can at least give her an hour or two, even if  am laying down and not doing much.

At the moment I am a little ratty. Any noise hurts my head and makes my headache worse. I can’t stand the sound of the TV or the radio. I am really frustrated. I have a number of blog reviews to do too but they will have to go on hold for a while.

The good news is I have not taken on much brand work at the moment. We did get a washing machine and I managed to do a quick video for youtube for that with John and then went back to bed.

We have some toys to review, for Sylvia and John will be taking the photos and making little videos so I don’t have to stress over it. I have two weeks so I will totally pace myself and take things slow.

I am planning to go to BritMums at the end of the month. I have booked for five days in London. It means I can just travel down and rest in my room two days before the conference.

I really am looking forward to it and I know if I can get my vitamin levels back up in the next few weeks, I can do it. It’s the only conference I plan to attend in 2017 and I am a finalist in the Inspire category. I am really looking forward to the boat cruise and the ride down the river thames. It is going to be so fun! I don’t want to miss it.

I also can’t wait to meet a lot of friends, some whom I have never met. I don’t get to go out to blog events as much as I’d like due to my health so most friendships are over social media. I look forward to meeting in person.

Well this is not a sob story but just me sharing my frustrations. Sometimes I wish I was not sick. I wish my adrenal health and all my vitamin and minerals were right. They are not and it’s a pain in the bum because it limits me.

People talk about being able and disabled and I don’t even like the term disabled, but that’s what I am as I simply can’t do some things that normal everyday people can.

However I will try my best to do what I can and get my levels back up. It’s a constant battle for me and I will keep fighting. The one thing I can do when unwell is say how I feel. I can write like no one is watching.

I can do this and so I will and to those who are not interested in my health or think I should shut up and put up, I say NO! I will speak and say how it is and those who can relate or do want to know what life is like as a mother and blogger with chronic illness, well they will stick around.

Angela x