Tips for Boosting Your Kids’ Confidence after Divorce
Watching their parents fighting all the time can greatly affect kids’ confidence and self-worth. 8 in 10 children who experienced their parents’ separation are convinced that their mom and dad did the right choice when decided to start preparing their first divorce paper form. While most children reach this conclusion with age, others are left to deal with such a traumatic experience through their whole adult life.
Too many arguments between adults, which trigger a divorce eventually, are known to induce too much stress in little ones. This stress can affect kids’ self-esteem a lot. As a result, children struggle to make new friends, find common ground with others, and study well. So, when a break-up is inevitable, parents still must pull together to explain many things to their children – for example, they may need to explain to their kids why they will be sent to a new school or why their mom and dad will no longer share space, etc. to lower stress in them.
Of course, reducing stress and building self-esteem in children is what all moms and dads must do, especially those who are currently preparing cheap divorce papers online. When it comes to divorce, during these dark days, children are vulnerable as never before. To help kids come out of their parent’s divorce with the right amount of confidence and a healthy sense of self-worth, child experts have come up with a few useful pieces of advice that every parent should follow:
Explain your decision to your children
The main idea behind talking with your kids about your divorce is to send them a clear message that it is not their fault that your marriage has failed. Make sure that they understand that they still have a family that they can rely on. Be open for a dialog with your little ones and do your best to answer all their questions. However, if your kids don’t feel like discussing hot-button issues right away, comfort them, and try to bring this conversation back later.
Understand your kids’ basic needs
You and your ex should keep in mind that your children have many needs, such as a need for love from both parents, stability, routine, and so forth. And the fact that you are currently busy looking for a divorce do it yourself kit or online divorce services doesn’t change anything – they still need you two. So, make sure that you two have created a well-developed co-parenting plan so that your children can spend enough time with both their mom and dad. This is how you can make your little ones feel safe and secure no matter what. Besides, there is evidence indicating that effective co-operating can greatly reduce conflict between the parties.
Avoid bad-mouthing your ex in front of your kids
Even though you and your ex are no longer a married couple, you still cannot go your separate ways simply because you have kids in common. For the sake of your little ones, you two now have to find effective ways of communicating with each other. Avoid speaking badly about another parent in front of your children; otherwise, they may feel hurt a lot. Don’t ask them about your ex and his or her new flame and make sure that you never comment on his or her behavior.
Don’t rush to introduce your kids to your new date
Before you introduce your kids to your new partner, make sure that your new relationship is healthy and strong enough to get serious any time soon. Because if you break up with your new date too soon, they may get the wrong idea about how romantic relationships are built. They may start to believe that sooner or later, all relationships fail.
Don’t remarry too soon
Remember that your kids may need much more time to heal after your divorce than you or your ex do. Therefore, make sure that you two give them as much time as needed. Don’t let your decision to remarry interfere with the recovery process; otherwise, you can do a lot of damage to your little ones. The transition to a new family structure may challenge your children’s ability to cope with your break-up in a healthy way and make them suffer a lot.
Remember that your kids want to spend time with the other parent, too
When your children are at your ex’s, respect their boundaries, and never keep calling them for no obvious reason. Make sure you don’t do anything that can interfere with their communication (no texting, calling, or sudden stopping by is allowed).
Never lean on your kids for support
It is important for kids to know that their parents are stable and that they can always rely on them. Therefore, you should never use your children as your sympathetic ear, as it may be just too much for them. Make sure that your kids don’t see you crying, screaming, or complaining. While expressing your emotions is completely okay, doing this in front of your children is unacceptable.
Know how your kids feel and be ready to seek professional help if needed
If you have teens, then you should definitely keep in mind this piece of advice. During adolescence, children tend to exaggerate things, and your divorce may inflict emotional trauma on them. If you start noticing that something is wrong with your kids (if they start to sleep significantly less or more, experience changes in mood, use drugs, get bad grades, etc.), maybe it is time to call your therapist.
And now to finish off, remember that your ex-spouse is your kids’ parent too and therefore he or she deserves to be treated with respect. Effective communication and respect for each other’s private life will help you and your ex co-parent productively. When kids know that they are loved, it is much easier for them to adjust to new circumstances. Keeping conflicts with your former love from your little ones will help them cope with the loss of confidence faster.