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Thinking About Self Care And Self Love
Last night I struggled to sleep. In fact I laid awake thinking until about 5.30 in the morning. It’s not ideal but I have had a lot on my mind and now I’m awake at 8am and on my way to Liverpool Aintree Hospital for a very important health related appointment.
I guess a lot has been in my mind recently about weight, my body size, body image and how I look. I wrote about being plus size yesterday and have not been able to stop thinking about it to be honest.
The thing is I’ve been fighting for five years to try and lose weight and I’m even going to go to hospital today to be told that I am currently the same weight if not more than what I was 5 years ago.
Yes I know, I know, it’s been a long journey with highs and lows and the one constant in my life was feeling unhappy because I’m “overweight”. In fact I’ve a combination of illness and feeling “too fat” has seriously affected my life.
I’ve had my hair done on average once a year. I’ve worn makeup every few months. I’ve not shaved my legs in about 3 years! Yep.. that’s true. I’ve even avoided buying clothes thinking I’ll wait till I lose more weight.
I’ve saved all my smaller sized clothes and dresses and held onto the items I had before I was diagnosed with Adrenal Insufficiency 5 years ago.
I don’t brush my hair as regular as I should and have pretty much neglected self care thinking, I’m too unwell and too fat!
That’s the reality! I even avoided sharing photos of myself online. I’m a blogger yet I share way more images of my daughter than myself.
Now don’t get me wrong my daughter is beautiful and I will always share photos of Sylvia but I’ve actively avoided sharing pictures of myself and cringed when I have.
So today everything changes! Today I tell the specialist at the hospital, who will inevitably ask me to see the dietician yet again and encourage me to keep trying to lose weight despite the steroids and poor health and this time things will be different.
This time I am not going to come away feeling bad about myself. I am going to be proud that I’m raising concerns about the illness and problems I am having.
My focus is not going to be my weight and what I can do to lose weight but the focus will be on what I can do to make sure I get all the nutrition I need so my vitamin and mineral levels don’t drop.
I’ll come away knowing that my worth and body image is not determined by a number on a set of scales. I am beautiful no matter what my size. I am a wonderful Mother and wife no matter what my size and I finally get it!
I can wear nice clothes, nice dresses and outfits. I can do my hair and makeup and look pretty even when I am overweight!
It’s finally sunk in. I am going to develop body confidence and love me as I am. I’m going to love me the way my daughter and husband love me.
My close friends and family don’t see an overweight sick person, they see me, Angela , a loving, caring and beautiful woman and that is who I am.
So what am I going to do about it?
I am going to start blogging regular about self care, self love and start sharing photos of myself as the beautiful plus size woman that I am.
That’s right, I’m going to start buying clothes and dresses that I love and model them. Yes I’m still going to be sick and unwell and may take a lot of pictures in the garden or locally but I’m going to do it!
I’m going to go online and look for fashion discounts and beauty deals so I can purchase new dresses and clothes and revamp my makeup collection (which is very small) for a great price.
I’m also going to focus more on beauty and self care. I’m going to aim to work more with beauty brands. I’m going to refresh my makeup, get my hair styled and cut. I’m going to wax the hair off my upper lip, get my eyebrows done and make me the best version of me I can.
I turn 36 on the 17th November and I’ve given myself one month to begin my body transformation. I’m excited and nervous but I’m going to start writing a body positivity post on my blog every Monday.
I shall update on my progress each week and will share lovely photos of myself modelling the plus size clothes that I plan to purchase. I am going to start writing about body positivity and body confidence and am excited about this.
I finally feel like my blogging passion is coming back and it’s exciting. I’m going to aim to work with plus sIze brands next year. I plan to review makeup and even get my nails done, (something I have not done in 5 years).
I’m excited and my daughter is too because we are going to create some fun fashion posts together and now she is a tween we are moving on to bigger and better things.
As of December I plan to alternate our Instagram photos one image of me and one image of Sylvia. It will be a change but one I’m going to make.
I’ll also be looking for review opportunities and collaborations in fashion and beauty and whilst I’ll still share the odd craft, I’m shifting the balance more to the things that are current in my life.
My daughter is into style and fashion, I plan to be and we are growing and changing. This blog will evolve with us and continue to be an Inspiration!
So, I have four weeks to transform my look, four weeks to prepare for my birthday and I begin this new journey today.