Today I’m writing a blog post I’ve been avoiding for almost a year. It’s not something I have wanted to think about or focus on. It’s a subject which has torn me into pieces emotionally and physically and has caused me to feel miserable for so long.
It’s something I have been hiding from for a while now. The topic is weight loss.
*This post contains visible amazon links*
I’ve struggled with my weight for so long. I’m sure many will be able to relate. I first gained weight when I was in an abusive and unhappy relationship.
I was also at uni, studying full time and had very little chance to exercise.
My x husband gave me food as a way of apologising when he was abusive and eating really was a comfort to me.
By the time I was 22 I was a size 22. I was around 110KG or 17 Stone and really quite unhappy. I joined Weight watchers and did pretty well for the first two months and then I ended up regaining all the weight and more.
It wasn’t until my first divorce that I lost a lot of weight. I was so upset that I hardly ate and walked and walked around the streets each day to clear my head.
I ended up losing a good amount of weight and got back down to around 90kg, 15 Stone. I was really happy at that size.
Then I remarried. I had a baby and regained a lot of weight. I joined weight watchers again and lost a little weight but the weight struggle was real and by the time my daughter was 2 years old I was around 17 Stone again. It was around 2010 and I decided to join Weight watchers again. I had some success in the past and I knew if I tried hard I could do this. I started my weight loss journey and got down to 16 stone.
Then heartache struck, I had a fight on my hands in court. I was fighting for the custody of my child and my weight returned once more to 17 Stone.
Once my daughter came home in 2012, I joined weight watchers again and once more I lost weight. I was doing so well. Back down to 16 stone I maintained my weight for a good year.
However in 2013 I collapsed and was diagnosed with Adrenal Insufficiency, a condition which meant I would need daily steroids for the rest of my life. A condition, which would not help me in my efforts to lose weight.
Within a year I had gained 6 Stone in weight.
I was just under 22 Stone and looked shocking. It was shocking. I felt miserable beyond anything I had felt before. I decided to try and do something about it. I was referred to a weight management program which was pretty useless.
I was told to eat only 800 calories a day and lose weight and promised if I lost 10% of my body weight within a year I would be put forward for weight loss surgery.
Determined more than ever I stuck to the 800 calorie diet for a year. I lost a significant amount of weight in three months but then I plateaued and despite all my efforts, I could not lose any more.
I was back down to 19 Stone. That year I tried my best to maintain my weight and qualify for a gastric bypass, a procedure I thought could really help.
In early 2016 I had a gastric bypass. On the day after my operation I was hungry. I was starving after weeks on the Liver Shrinking Diet and I needed to eat. I was told I would only be able to eat a few teaspoons, but my tummy seemed to need more.
I ate until I felt full and wondered if my operation had been done properly. The pain of the operation was severe.
I could only have liquids and then soft foods for a few months and during this time, due to pretty much starving myself I lost weight.
I was down to 16 Stone from 19. I was really happy.
However I felt my operation had not worked. From the very start I felt hungry and everything I was being told by the gastric bypass team did not make sense to me.
I was told how much I should be able to eat before being full but that was not the case for me. As soon as my stomach had healed I was able to eat once more the same as before.
My tummy was hardly any smaller than before the procedure and something had gone wrong
I made an appointment to see my surgeon and was told the team who had operated on me had lost their contract. There was no more support. I was alone and unable to make sense of why my operation was not working.
I sent some time in hospital and a dietician told me it may well have something to do with being on steroids.
However bariatric surgery is supposed to be a tool to help you feel full and if you put too much into your body you will be sick. This was not the case for me.
I can only conclude the operation was not done properly and as a result I have not been able to use the tool to help me lose weight beyond the time period when my tummy was healing.
It’s been almost two years since my procedure and despite following the plan I was given, I have slowly and steadily regained weight.
In fact I am only 6 pounds less than I was at the time of my operation two years ago and that causes me to feel very sad. I went through a drastic procedure yet it failed.
Around Christmas I felt like giving up and began to eat less healthy. I felt like giving up on my weight loss efforts. It has been a 10 year battle which I appear to be losing.
In a few months I could be 19 stone again which is something I do not want.
Bearing in mind I have chronic health conditions which make it impossible to exercise and daily steroid medication which cause weight gain, I feel desperate to try again.
For several months I have been blocking it out of my head. What do I do? Do I join slimming world? Weight watchers?
Do I get a revision? Do I forget about it and just enjoy my life overweight?
I have a constant battle in my head. I don’t think I am willing to take the risks or suffer the pain of bariatric surgery once more. I think I might just try and do this the natural way. The question is can I do it?
I don’t need people saying you should do this, you should do that.
I just need to make a decision and do what I can. As far as I am concerned it is as if I never had any surgery and I am thinking my best bet may be to join Weight watchers once more.
Maybe I could write about it each week on my blog to help motivate me and keep focussed. Maybe I could try and come up with healthy and fun recipes that help me.
I’m thinking about it. I’m thinking about what to do.
My new journey is about to begin and I don’t feel very confident but I have to try. I can’t stay this size. So here I go again, I am going to think about my way forward and make a plan.
I am giving myself two weeks to come to a decision about what path to follow next. I am 90% thinking Weight Watchers and I am hoping I can do it once more. I need to.
If I could simply get back to that 16 Stone mark I would be so so happy and healthier for it.
My new journey begins today and that is my truth about weight loss.
Read About My Gastric Bypass Journey
- Gastric Bypass Surgery – The Painful Truth
- One Week After Gastric Bypass Surgery
- Eight Weeks After Bariatric Surgery
- Nine Weeks After Gastric Bypass Surgery
- Twelve Weeks After Gastric Bypass Surgery
- My Meal Fourteen Weeks After Gastric Bypass
- Sixteen Weeks After Bariatric Surgery
- Twenty Weeks After Gastric Bypass Surgery
- Twenty Four Weeks Six Months After Gastric Bypass Surgery
- Thirty Weeks After Gastric Bypass Surgery
- 9 Months After Weight Loss Surgery Feeling Like A Failure Versus Feeling Positive
- One Year After Gastric Bypass Surgery
- 2 Years After Gastric Bypass The Truth About My Weight Loss
- Finding Out My Gastric Bypass Had Failed
- The Battle Between Adrenal Insufficiency And Weight Loss
This was very brave of you to write. Weight is such a sensitive and emotional topic . I wish you lots of health and happiness in your pursuit to feel your best.
Thanks. It’s so hard but I need to try and do something.
Lukhi Diamond says
Nice and Wonderful info.it’s so useful post, thank you so much for sharing….It will help me with my weight loss goals.
Joan Cajic says
I am sorry to hear what you have gone through, I have also struggled with my weight and tried so many diets that I literally gave up and just tried to find things that made me happy instead. It’s still a difficult journey but in time it will be fine. Wishing you all the best.
Ah thankyou. I will do this.
Good luck Angela!! You are a determined and persistent person! Think about it- you have accomplished all of your major goals so far! You started your blog, now it’s fantastic and a valuable resource for others going through the same experiences. You got the cortisol pump, which seemed like an impossible dream, but here you are! Things might take longer than expected or not go exactly to plan, but my point is you always seem to succeed in the end, and I know you can accomplish this goal too! Posting goal updates on your blog is a great way to keep yourself accountable and has the added benefit of inspiring others as well! You can do this, and as always I’m excited to see what you accomplish!
Thanks Michelle. I needed to hear this! I can do it and will fight my way through and yes good things do take time.
You can do it! I know it’s difficult, but if you put your mind to something, it IS possible.
Thanks Amber. I sure can.
emmanuel damian says
You know I can really relate with weight gain issue. I had several instances of weight issues but I was able to turn it around. I think it’s about discipline and focus. In terms of Adrenal Insufficiency, well, it’s really a bummer. But I hope you get well soon.
Thanks for the lovely comments.
I remember reading about your condition and going for the surgery, I am sorry to learn it didn’t work and can’t have another done. Good luck on your new journey, I am crossing my fingers and toes for you this one works
Thankyou. I have to keep trying and do what I can.
Jessica Taylor says
I was always very small until I had my daughter. Weight loss is such a touchy topic :/
Yes becoming a Mother comes with changes but it’s worth it. I just want to be the healthiest mum I can be.
Hi Angela, I really commend you for baring your soul and writing that post which I’m sure was very difficult for you to put into words. You are very brave! It sounds like you’ve been through really rough times but please do not lose hope – it sounds like you’re doing all the right things with the right approach – I hope you come to a decision soon and it works for you. I wish you all the best 🙂 Louise
Thanks Louise. It’s been so hard this past year and I am literally at my wits end but about to start over and see where it takes me.
i can relate, I am a stress-eater and comfort foods are my bffs. Gaining weight is way easier for me than to lose weight. I agree on the natural way of losing weight, it is healthier. Cheers to our fitness goal this year, we can do this!
Good for you for taking charge of your health! Best of luck with your weight loss but more importantly, with getting back to loving yourself.
Cathleen @ A Taste of Madness says
Wow. This was very brave of you.
I don’t want to talk about weight openly on my blog for almost the opposite reason: it is really hard for me to GAIN weight, no matter what I eat. I feel like more people can relate with what you are going through. Obviously not to the extent, given that you have a chronic health condition.
I keep hearing about Weight Watchers, but I don’t know it well enough. I have readers of my blog ask me how many “points” my baking is, so I really think I should look into it. So I can try to help others on their journey.
Thankyou. I know weight watchers is the best support I’ve had in the past and I hope I am well enough to attend the weekly meetings.
Thank you for being so open and honest with your struggles with weight loss. It’s definitely not something everyone feels comfortable with talking about so this post was very brave. <3
Your welcome. I hope it helps others.
Corinne and Kirsty says
I think it is very brave of you to share your story and also to do what it needs to change yourself. Best of luck on your journey!
This brought tears to my eyes, you are so brave to share this! I really wish you the best of luck and good health, be strong.
Jennifer L says
Thank you for being vulnerable with us. I wish you the best as you embark on your weight loss journey!
thanks. I can do this.
Sharing something like this takes something most people don’t possess. I truly admire you, this is one of the most touching stories I have read. I hope you find your way and have a successful weight-loss journey.
Alison Rost says
It’s never an easy journey for anyone and I admire you for your determination to keep trying. I think it’s great that you’re once again joining a program that will help you with your weight loss. Best of luck and I know you can do it!
It is tough but I can do this.
Terri (@mylittleport) says
Good luck on your journey. No matter what you decide to do or how to begin, you’ll have a cheerleader on your side line shaking my pom poms, lol.
Thanks so much! I appreciate that!
Leo T. Ly says
I too have struggle with my weight for a few years now. Every new year I would tell myself that I am going to try to manage my weight. This is so difficult when you don’t have much time and a love for food. I will use this as inspiration to really try to do better this year.
I’m so sad to hear this. I hope you get to a place that you can work at and achieve your goals. I had a band 10 years ago and much the same happened. It sounds like your surgery wasn’t done right to me. That’s so unbelievably sad. If it was me I would defo go for revision. There had to be something they can do. Fingers crossed xx
Thanks for your kind words.
Adventures of Super 8 says
Hope you get to obtain your goal. Don’t give up you can achieve anything you set your mind to.
Angela…I had the gastric sleeve surgery on may 1st 2019. I have only lost 34 pounds and I am in the same boat as you. I have many friends that have had surgery after I did and have passed the 100 pound weight loss mark. I have been intensely frustrated , as you have. Tried to do what I was suppose to and thought I was following the meal plan as directed but can not seem to have much success. I, too, have been able to eat pretty much everything without a problem. Would love to keep in touch with you or follow your story to help shed some light on what I am planning to do, myself. I am feeling pretty messed up, too.
Yes…for some of us it doesn’t seem to have worked!