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The Cat Abuser My Shocking Experience
*Warning – This will be upsetting to Cat and Animal lovers*
In the past I was abused. I was abused psychologically, emotionally and later physically. At times I suffer post traumatic distress when I recall the events and situations I faced as a young married woman. There are so many stories and experiences I have never shared however something keeps bothering me and that is my experience of witnessing cat abuse and I wanted to share my experience. I just feel the need to share my story.
I’ve never really been a huge fan of cats. Our first family cat was called Fluffy and she was a great cat that minded her own business and sat around the home. She was a member of the family for many years until we migrated to New Zealand and then she was taken in by my aunty.
Once we arrived in New Zealand my family soon became the owners of a new cat. I can’t even remember this cat’s name. It clearly shows that I never really became close to any of my family cats. I didn’t dislike the cat’s we owned but I never really built relationships with them either, they were just a part of the family and did their own thing.
However my father gave me my very own cat when I turned 18. I called her Mystery. Did I want a cat? No. However she needed a home and my dad had given her to me so she became my cat. The reality is my mum cared for the cat and I barely ever saw her. Not long after Mystery came to live with us, she was run over and killed on the road. That was the last time I ever owned a cat.
In 2006 I married a Tongan man. I was in love, so much so that we travelled to the Island of Tonga to live and that in itself was a crazy experience. On the day we arrived I met my Mother in law in her shop. It was a small island store with big bars on the window. People would come to the bar to buy items and their was a back room with a bed for people to sleep and rest.
When I first arrived at the store, I was surprised to see a litter of kittens. My mother in law had taken in a stray cat while the cat was pregnant and this cat had recently given birth. The back room was full of kittens and was quite a site.
To my horror, my husband was given the task of disposing of the cat and kittens! I was shocked and didn’t really know what to say, how to feel or what to think. I was in a different country. It was explained to me that cats and dogs were seen as pests. They were not pets in the Islands and they needed to be removed.
My then husband put all the kittens into a bag and placed it into the boot of his car. We then drove towards our new home. I asked my husband what he planned to do with the kittens. He said his mother had told him to drown them in the sea. I told him he could not do that. I asked him to please just let the cat’s go and release them to a new home.
On the way home my husband pulled over and opened the boot. Not knowing what my husband would do with the cats I stayed in the car somewhat worried and apprehensive.
I genuinely thought Tevita was planning to release the cats into the wild to give them a new home, however I was shocked to see real cat abuse for the first time. My husband (now x husband) picked up the kittens one at a time and tossed them like a rugby ball high into the air and through the trees into the wild bush land.
I asked him to stop. Why couldn’t he just let the kittens go, leave them at the entrance of the bush. Why throw them in the air? The kittens could break they’re bones or get injured. They probably did. I don’t know. I didn’t have much of a say in the matter but I was shocked and disgusted. There was no need. It just wasn’t right.
It was as if the cats were being punished or I was being punished for arguing against drowning the cats. Something I had every right to do. Yet something that triggered a lot of anger, anger I had never witnessed before.
I think this was the first time I had ever disagreed with my husband on anything. Prior to this we had no need to quarrel. There were no issues. We had been in New Zealand. Life had been different before marriage and we had only been newly wed for 2 weeks.
It never felt right what happened to those poor kittens. The Mother cat was hurled into the air too and it was really quite frightening. Life went on. Again, there wasn’t much else that happened that caused me and my husband to disagree. I was on an island isolated and separated from my family. Alarm bells rung when my x abused those poor cats but being in love and a newly wed, I simply hoped we wouldn’t encounter cats again and vowed never to own a pet with this man.
I was for the most part happy living in Tonga. I didn’t have friends I wanted to visit. I didn’t have things I wanted to do that we could argue about. Tevita’s friends were my friends. We did everything together. He controlled my life and I didn’t even realise it. In fact, his mother Folola controlled both our lives even more so and we just did whatever she wanted and got on with married life the best we knew how.
About 5 months after my marriage Tevita and I had moved back to New Zealand. I was ready to complete my post graduate degree in teaching and he had found work as a fork hoist driver in Hamilton New Zealand.
One day we went out and when we arrived home there was a cat in the house. A cat had sneaked in through the window and just as we arrived home we discovered the cat eating the chicken on the kitchen bench.
Naturally I would have shooed the cat out of the home and closed the window and found another meal to eat but my husband saw red. He was mad. I had never seen him so angry in his life. He picked up the cat and threw it head first at the wall. I was shocked. and upset to see such violence.
I screamed and begged him to stop. As the cat screamed and squealed and scrambled to escape it was picked and thrown again. I screamed and begged him to stop but the violence turned to me. This was the first time my husband was ever violent towards me. I couldn’t do anything to stop him and eventually the cat was thrown out of the window and it made an escape.
I was a young adult at the time. I genuinely did not know much about animals or pets. I did not know anything about animal abuse. I did not know that what my husband was doing was illegal. I certainly knew it was not right to hurt a animal but my knowledge was limited.
I eventually left my husband when my daughter was a baby. At this point I was in a violent and controlling marriage and leaving was not an easy task. However I did leave and I took out a protection order to keep me and my daughter safe.
Now I am a lot older, 12 years later I know a lot more about animal abuse. I’ve even learnt that animal abuse can lead to other forms of abuse and it’s so true. I’m still horrified at the way those poor kittens and cats were treated by my x husband. It’s not something I like to think about or want to but from time to time when I see a cat I do start to think about the abuse they suffered and the abuse I suffered by the hands of this man.
I’ve never shared this story with anyone before, not even my own family members and I’ve never explained to them why I am not keen on cats. I think it’s because cats instinctively remind me of abuse, something that at times upsets me.
What I need to do now is retrain my mind, to not associate cats with the abuse of the past but to associate them with something new. I will admire cats from a distance but I will never own one. I just couldn’t do it and maybe when my cousins and family read this they will understand a little better why I am not a huge cat lover. I’m just not and that’s my choice.
It was my choice to marry that man. It was my choice to try and protect the cats. It was my choice to leave and get a protection order and as I finally come to terms with this experience I am choosing to share it as my way of saying, It is not okay and it will never be okay to abuse a cat or any animal and that is the truth!!
ANIMAL ABUSE IS NOT OKAY! EVER!