Over the past ten years getting “lovely new things” has been a challenge and a difficulty. You may have read a post last year called I am a Gladiator & The True Reason I Have not Bought Shoes for Two Years. I shared how since leaving an abusive marriage over 7 years ago, I’d lost my self esteem and self worth and as a result, I really struggled to get myself anything nice.
Last year I worked really hard to feel better about myself, to grow my confidence, to be able to accept gifts and buy myself the things I need. It’s still a struggle and something I’m still battling with but I’ve made big progress and feel I’m doing really great. The truth is lovely things help me overcome the effects of abuse.
Where I was
Every Christmas or birthday, I would be given items and just store them away for the future or for a time when I could bring myself to use them. I didn’t know why I behaved in this way but after exploring why I do this, I realised it was due to feeling that I did not deserve it.
During two abusive relationships in the past, the man controlled how the money was spent and I hardly bought anything I needed. The husband would always buy me a gift or bring me food as a way of saying sorry after abusing me. I like gifts but this confused my mind. I was taught my needs were not important and that gifts are connected with being mistreated and abused.
Being in a seriously abusive relationship can play with your mind and confuse you and for me, after I escaped abuse I simply stopped getting nice things for myself as It didn’t feel right. When I did buy things or get gifts, I’d put them away and save them and I was still doing this when I started blogging.
I’ve slowly been changing over the months, opening my drawers and using the items I have. I started wearing the shoes my mum bought me when she came to England in 2014 and allowed my husband to buy me stationary and pens. I’ve also accepted items to review and been to the shops to buy myself things for the first time in a long time.
I’ve grown in confidence and self-worth and am finding it much easier to use the nice things I’m given or that I buy.
Lovely Things
I’ve had to untie all the confusion in my mind and rebuild my thought patterns in terms of gifts, clothing and lovely things. I now see items I need as things I deserve because I am a woman, a daughter, a wife and Mother who is of worth and it’s nice to get lovely items to make my life that much more comfortable and happier.
I still struggle and slip back into old thoughts but when I do I try to snap out of it quickly and say positive things like, “you deserve this”, “you deserve to be happy”, or “you earned it”. I tell myself, “It’s okay” and I’m learning to use the things I have and enjoy them.
With this said, I’d like to share a three newish items I have received or bought in the past months which I really love and which bring me happiness and are helping me to value myself more.
My Mint Velvet Bag
Last year I was given a wonderful bag from Laura Summers aka “The handbag Queen” over at Laura’s Lovely Blog. I absolutely love this bag and use it all the time when I go places. The bag is genuine leather and the brand is Mint Velvet.
My Slippers
I recently bought myself a pair of slippers. This is my first pair in about 6 years and I love them. They are soft and fluffy and only cost £5 from Asda. A brilliant buy and something I’m loving.
Routine Books and Felts
I have bought new felts and some books to record/plan a daily routine which I’m trying to stick to. I’m trying to balance myself much better now. I love felts they are my favourite item. I’m a huge stationary fan. Anyway, I write my daily routine on one side of my book and a to do list on the other page and it’s helping me to do what needs to be done and stop when I need to rest. I love my new pens.
So these are some newish items I’m loving and wanted to share.
Angela x
Do you have any new items you love?
It is lovely to read that you are growing in confidence now and not letting these abusive ex partners rule the way you are any more. I love the look of the mini bag. Good one you get using the things you have been stored away!!
Thanks. Growth and overcoming difficulties takes time but i’m getting their and my confidence is coming on in leaps and bounds.
Oh you have been through so much, having suffered abuse too – more emotional than physical, I do get where you are coming from. Treat yoursefl – and more importantly – enjoy your treats. You deserve them. Kaz xx
Thanks. I have been through a lot and now my life is much better emotionally and I’m so pleased with all thats going on. Yes I will keep treating myself 🙂
What a brave lady and totally deserves a life of fulfillment in every way. I feel for you hun you’ve come so far and you’ve made me think of my own journey with pnd I get what you mean about feeling you deserve items. Keep up the hard work and the buying of course cause us ladies gotta shop i love the bag it looks so soft and thank you reading your article has given me strength to realize i deserve to x x
Thanks. I’m glad this had inspired you to see you deserve nice things. I think we all deserve to have happiness and belongings which enrich our lives. 🙂 Angela x
Aw bless you hun I admire you so much any daughter would be so lucky to have you as a role model because you look ahead to the future no matter what. Nothing like a good pair of slippers to make you feel better!
Thanks Ana. The future looks bright and each day is a step in the right direction 🙂 Thanks for your lovely comments. 🙂
it sounds like you’ve had a few rotten experiences which still need repairing so I’m glad to read that you’ve turned a corner. I hope you continue to accept lovely things as everyone deserves a treat now and then without the worry or trauma you’ve associated in the past x
I sure have but i’m hoping to share this and help others to understand and overcome their own trials too! 🙂 Angela
I know you rarely got to treat yourself, after what you have been through.
Thanks for sharing
John
your welcome and thanks for all your support. I could not have changed without your help. Love you John Milnes 🙂
You sound like you have been through the mill lovely. You deserve nice things. I don’t think material things are the be all and end all but I definitely have my go-to items – big fluffy dressing gown, lovely brogue shoes, designer bag 🙂 xxx
I totally agree, to be honest material things are not what makes me happiest, it’s my family but these nice things like you say do enhance my life and I thi=nk I do deserv a pair of shoes or a coat or even drawers which are things before I could not get myself.
Wow, what an honest post, you have come though so much! I hope you get used to enjoying nice things for yourself again, love the bag!
Oh I’m glad you enjoyed the post.
You’ve been through so much, you’re such an inspiration, especially to your beautiful daughter. You deserve to treat yourself and I’m so glad you’re finding it easier over time. x
I’m glad you find this inspiring and hope things do improve. I know they will get even better for us with time! 🙂 Angela
Oh Ang you have been through so much! I completely agree with the sentiment of this post. Every now and again its good to treat ourselves just like we do with our loved ones. I love Mint Velvet thats a gorgeous bag 🙂 I tend to buy one handbag a year in the sales as a treat 🙂 xx
Yes the Mint Velvet bag is fabulous isn’t it! I love it! 🙂 Angela
Oh I am so pleased that you have started to believe that you are worthy of lovely items – you most definitely are and I hope you continue to believe that you have earned them. x
Thanks Helen. My husband has really helped me over the past three years and things are really looking up! 🙂
It’s always lovely to have some new and pretty things to put a smile on your face after you’ve been through a hard time. I like how the things you’ve chosen to highlight are quite simple, every day things. It just shows how much you value them and how much they mean to you.
Oh pretty and new things are just fabulous and yes they are simple and everyday items and someone actually suggested I’m being worldly and i was like hello… these are general needs! Duh!
I can only empathise with how difficult those years must have been for you, and the years since. You should be so proud that you have found something that makes you feel better and stronger xx
Thanks. It’s something I’m sharing bcaasue it helps me understand myself better but also this could help others too! 🙂
you are doing fantastic… and come so far… you should be so proud of your self!!! and its the little treats that mean the world!!! ive got the same slippers too x
Thanks Jolene. The slippers are fab and so soft aren’t they! 🙂 Must have the same taste! 🙂
Wow you have been through so much and I am so glad there is something that is helping you x
Thanks. It’s blogs like your Rachel that help me too to see nice things and push myself through the negative thoughts.
I just found your blog via your Twitter . I am so glad to see that you are on your way to healing from the abuse you suffered and are starting to see that you deserve nice things and good treatment. Loving your self is so important. I also wanted to say… Those slippers are adorable and I love them! <3
Thanks so much and great to meet you. 🙂 Glad you like my slippers and thanks for the support. Angela x Great to meet you jenn
Wow, that must be quite a thing to have to retrain your mind through. Well done you for battling through it and treating yourself, you so deserve it xx
Yes I think there is a lot of mind retraining that goes on. Especially after abusive relationships but this just goes to show you anyone can get through it!
I am so pleased that you are rebuilding your self esteem and self confidence and there are few better ways than with a killer bag and a comfy pair of slippers! Stationary is a treat for me too.
I hope your upward curve continues for a long time. xx
Thanks. It’s taken time and yes the bag is awesome isn’t it! I didn’t even know what brand it was but I love it as it is fabulous! 🙂
If anyone deserves a treat it is you! You have come through so much and are such a strong and brave person now. I am happy to read that your confidence is growing and that you are finally enjoying treating yourself 🙂
Thanks… after 10 bad years plus i need to enjoy life now and have the best time ever..the thirties is the right decade for me!
I love Mint Velvet items, and that’s a really nice bag. As for stationery, I love it – loving the bike notebooks.
It is a lovely bag isn’t it. Yes the stationary is really great too and the notepad is really useful for recording my daily to do lists.
What a great step forward, you deserve to be treated, reach treats and gifts because as you said you deserve it. Loving the newish items you got.
Thanks 🙂
It’s amazing how the smallest of treats can make us feel, isn’t it. I started posting on my blog once a week about treating myself to something whether it be a new dress, a cheeky chocolate bar or a luxury bubble bath. Things don’t have to be expensive to perk us up a bit. I love that one of your items was a gift; I expect that makes it even more special to you. x
Oh I totally agree. It is great to treat ourselves once in a while so log as we stay within our budgets. 🙂
It’s awful how abusers can take the simple pleasures of life and twist them to use against us. It’s takes some unravelling but it sounds like you are getting there. I love your new things. Slippers are on my list too
sometimes they try and control every aspect of life and it can really affect someone. The slippers are fab and soft! I love them. Angela
You are wonderful 🙂 there is nothing like a cosy pair of slippers to make you feel good (except perhaps an accompanying hot chocolate!)
oh yes I love the slippers I’m yes it would be great with a nice hot chocolate.
Your leather handbag is gorgeous Ang! It looks so soft too. The perfect out & about bag. I love the kind that can go across your body when you are out. I’m glad you are enjoying some lovely things this month, you deserve it!! #LovelyThings x
Thanks Becky! I love this bag so much. It makes me really happy! 🙂
Oh my, you’ll have to peek at what im loving…it seems to continually be candles and food (ops)
Self worth is the best gift you’ve given yourself so keep going Hun, here’s to more handbags and my weakness – candles. ?
Thanks. Candles sound good.
This is lovely to read. Abuse has many different effects but our confidence always suffers. Working on restoring that in whichever way works best is crucial. Sending love. H x
oht hanks Hayley. It can affect confidence and mine is slowly beginning to grow once more. Angela
Your strength really amazes me, Angela. I’m so pleased that you’re becoming able to allow yourself nice things, you really deserve them. I’m also a big fan of fluffy slippers, my treat to myself before Christmas was some festive boot slippers, I wear them every day! Xx
By the way, I should have said #LovelyThings!
fab! great to see you. I’ll pop over and visit you back!
Thanks. I do my best! Slippers are feeling fab aren’t they!
All you have been through and you are such an amazing woman, I am absolutely delighted you liked the handbag I sent to you. And I hope you continue to enjoy lots of lovely things in the future. Thanks for linking up to #lovelythings
Thanks Laura! I love my bag. It’s mint lol!
Nice inspiring read there Angela, and I also admire the way you are being a gladiator and not letting some bullshit life traps put you down, I really admire that in you and hope that you won’t stop. You really need to treat yourself good.
Cindy
Thanks… sometimes we have a lot to deal with and overcome and i hope by sharing it may help others in similar situations.