Lovely Things Helping Me Overcome Abuse
Over the past ten years getting “lovely new things” has been a challenge and a difficulty. You may have read a post last year called I am a Gladiator & The True Reason I Have not Bought Shoes for Two Years. I shared how since leaving an abusive marriage over 7 years ago, I’d lost my self esteem and self worth and as a result, I really struggled to get myself anything nice.
Last year I worked really hard to feel better about myself, to grow my confidence, to be able to accept gifts and buy myself the things I need. It’s still a struggle and something I’m still battling with but I’ve made big progress and feel I’m doing really great. The truth is lovely things help me overcome the effects of abuse.
Where I was
Every Christmas or birthday, I would be given items and just store them away for the future or for a time when I could bring myself to use them. I didn’t know why I behaved in this way but after exploring why I do this, I realised it was due to feeling that I did not deserve it.
During two abusive relationships in the past, the man controlled how the money was spent and I hardly bought anything I needed. The husband would always buy me a gift or bring me food as a way of saying sorry after abusing me. I like gifts but this confused my mind. I was taught my needs were not important and that gifts are connected with being mistreated and abused.
Being in a seriously abusive relationship can play with your mind and confuse you and for me, after I escaped abuse I simply stopped getting nice things for myself as It didn’t feel right. When I did buy things or get gifts, I’d put them away and save them and I was still doing this when I started blogging.
I’ve slowly been changing over the months, opening my drawers and using the items I have. I started wearing the shoes my mum bought me when she came to England in 2014 and allowed my husband to buy me stationary and pens. I’ve also accepted items to review and been to the shops to buy myself things for the first time in a long time.
I’ve grown in confidence and self-worth and am finding it much easier to use the nice things I’m given or that I buy.
I’ve had to untie all the confusion in my mind and rebuild my thought patterns in terms of gifts, clothing and lovely things. I now see items I need as things I deserve because I am a woman, a daughter, a wife and Mother who is of worth and it’s nice to get lovely items to make my life that much more comfortable and happier.
I still struggle and slip back into old thoughts but when I do I try to snap out of it quickly and say positive things like, “you deserve this”, “you deserve to be happy”, or “you earned it”. I tell myself, “It’s okay” and I’m learning to use the things I have and enjoy them.
With this said, I’d like to share a three newish items I have received or bought in the past months which I really love and which bring me happiness and are helping me to value myself more.
My Mint Velvet Bag
Last year I was given a wonderful bag from Laura Summers aka “The handbag Queen” over at Laura’s Lovely Blog. I absolutely love this bag and use it all the time when I go places. The bag is genuine leather and the brand is Mint Velvet.
I recently bought myself a pair of slippers. This is my first pair in about 6 years and I love them. They are soft and fluffy and only cost £5 from Asda. A brilliant buy and something I’m loving.
Routine Books and Felts
I have bought new felts and some books to record/plan a daily routine which I’m trying to stick to. I’m trying to balance myself much better now. I love felts they are my favourite item. I’m a huge stationary fan. Anyway, I write my daily routine on one side of my book and a to do list on the other page and it’s helping me to do what needs to be done and stop when I need to rest. I love my new pens.
So these are some newish items I’m loving and wanted to share.
Do you have any new items you love?