Well I just don’t know where to start but I feel I need to write this down as I feel emotionally drained. It’s been an emotional week. So much has happened and is happening and I guess I have felt a little overwhelmed.
About a month ago a friend of mine passed away. It wasn’t expected. He was a young man who I had taught, only 19, a talented and beautiful young man who had been a big part of our lives over the past 7 years and had also taken the photos at our wedding. I was shocked and obviously very sad to hear the news. I cannot imagine the heartache of his family at this time and if this shook me in the way it has, I cannot even comprehend how his father and brother’s are coping right now.
Every day I have thought of this young man. I was not well enough to attend the funeral but it hasn’t stopped me thinking about him and shedding a fair amount of tears. Harrison is not the only friend I have lost recently. I have lost a few friends in New Zealand, 3 in fact, all young people around my own age and it just makes you feel sad and want to hold your family a little closer.
My Mum and Dad are returning to New Zealand on Monday. I am heartbroken. I have been so blessed to have spent many months with them on their extended holiday here in the UK and I will miss them like crazy. My mum is my best friend. I love her so much and feel so sad right now. I will cherish the memories and the opportunity my daughter had to get to know her grandmother.
I would like to move home to New Zealand one day and be closer to my family and to my sister and her 6 children, however I can’t as the Adrenal Pump which I rely on to live and manage my health is not yet available in NZ. Maybe that is something we can look at in 5 years when my medicine may be more readily available. It is really hard.
This week I found out my daughter is going to have another half sister! Yes, Sylvia has a half sister in New Zealand who is four years old. However I was contacted this week by a single mother telling me she is due to give birth to a little girl and although she is not in a relationship with Sylvia’s birth dad, he is the father and so Sylvia will have a second half sibling as of next month. This was some news to find out. It will be nice to keep in contact and maybe one day Sylvia can meet her half siblings.
I have been extra unwell this month. It’s my vitamin levels and Iron again and it’s made me feel a lot more pain than usual. Sylvia has gone back to school and had some difficulties settling in as many of her friends are in a different class this year. I am doing my best to help her navigate through this tricky time.
My husband is doing well. His health is good at the minute and we are strong as a unit. We are supporting each other as I feel like I am on an emotional rollercoaster. So many lovely things have happened in terms of blogging, going on holiday and getting some great opportunities but I have also had some nasty trolls recently trying to break me. (They won’t succeed) and I have had some blogging stress with a VA who has really let me down. I have 2 and one is awesome the other has just failed to do the agreed work every time and has just been very unreliable so sadly I am letting her go.
I feel comforted by my loyal dogs who are great companions in the day. I feel the love of my daughter and husband, my parents and friends, it’s just a difficult time and I feel like I am walking on emotional eggshells just trying to breath and process everything that is going on. I can do it and I will do it but it’s tough and a difficult journey.
The good news, something which made me happy is that I was approached about my Christmas gift guide and have three items that are going to be featured. I chose 3 items and will be sent samples, so I have 3 lovely gifts for John’s brother’s kids, our nephews for Christmas.
I am going to miss my mum like crazy and think my next huge family goal besides the never ending goal of sorting out funding and medication for my adrenal pump will be to visit my parents and sister and all my lovely family members in New Zealand. I wonder how many years it will take to save for that? I bet we could do it if we really worked hard.
So it’s 1/4 to 3. My daughter will be home in 25 minutes and I need to take some deep breaths, build my strength to cook dinner and be the Mummy Sylvia needs me to be. My mum arrives at my house tonight for our last week together. I will enjoy this as much as I can and make the most of every moment and be strong because at the moment there are a lot of things going on which I am just trying to deal with!
I can do this!