Feeling Like A Failure Versus Thinking Positive
My Gastric Bypass Journey
Well, hey there,
I think it’s about time I updated everyone on my Gastric bypass Journey. I had my bypass in March 2016, so it’s almost been 9 months. I really didn’t want to write about this and share for two reasons.
Firstly, I’ve been feeling like a failure
Secondly, I didn’t want people to judge me.
However, I’ve decided to overcome my fears and continue sharing my Gastric bypass story.
So, the good news is that after the procedure I finally healed and I began to lose weight. I lost around 50 pounds which when added to my weight loss pre-op totalled six stone.
I had a goal to reach 15 stone for my birthday but in September after 5 months of weight loss, my weight loss stopped. I’ve maintained my weight now for 4 months which is a good and bad thing. It’s great that I have not regained the weight I lost but also disappointing to me that I have not continued to lose further.
I went to the Bariatric team a few months ago and was told it’s normal to stall. However according to the percentage and stats for the average bariatric patient I’m not on target anymore. Most people I have met who had the surgery done around the same time as me have lost twice as much as I have since the operation and in a way I began to feel like I failed.
I became incredibly unwell in October and November due to being low in B12, Iron, zinc, folate and other essential vitamins. I decided to focus on rebuilding my vitamin stores and to stop thinking about weight loss or dwelling on it. It gets me down knowing I’m not losing anymore.
However this is not a negative post, It’s just a real post about how I really feel after everything I went through. So, here are the positives and the silver linings to the fact I have not lost as much as expected.
- I have lost weight and I am healthier for it.
- By losing weight I’ve reduced the chances of diabetes and reduced my steroid dose.
- I am now a size 18 clothing. Woop Woop. I would love to one day be a size 16 or even a 14 but this is much better than what I was and I am fitting into clothes that have been stored away for years.
- I am maintaining my weight loss.
- I am happier about the way I look than I was before.
I’m not one hundred percent sure why I have stopped losing weight. I know that being on steroids has something to do with it. I’m not able to exercise easily due to my Adrenal health and other conditions and I am forever feeling hungry.
I was told and many other post-op patients say, that they no longer feel hungry and they feel full after eating a small meal.
This is not the case for me. I am always hungry. I feel I need to eat regular, small but often. I wonder if it’s a side effect of my steroid medication? I’m not sure. I have had one or two treats on occasion but I am working hard to be healthy and I feel I am no longer getting anywhere.
Rather than feel bad and guilty or feeling like I failed, I will focus on what I have achieved and it is a lot. I went through a major life changing surgery and that was no easy thing. I have lost six stone altogether and I am happier.
I’m not the same as every other patient but I am going to refocus and look at what I can do in 2017 to potentially reduce my weight a little more.
I’m around 100kg about 15 stone 5 and would love to get down to 90kg. So can I lose another 10kg in 2017? It would be incredibly hard but maybe I could.
I could slowly build up an exercise routine. Light walking on the treadmill and maybe try swimming once in a while. I could make sure I don’t eat anything with sugar in it and maybe join a slimming world or weight watcher type meeting. I could be more vigilant in recording my calories. Maybe I could talk to the bariatric team again, speak to my Endo to see if my steroids are in need of reducing and focus on being healthy rather than being skinny.
I can also make meal plans for the family which are nutritious and healthier. We do eat healthy most of the time but since moving house John and Sylvia have had a few not so healthy meal options of late.
so, It’s 15 days until Christmas and I am going to enjoy this festive season and make healthy choices and have a few Christmas treats and then as the new year begins I will attempt to do more to try and lose a little more weight. I hope I can do this.
My new goal is to lose 10kg in 2017. Can I do it? I Really don’t know but I will try.