This week I read a quote which really stood out to me. It said, Change is never easy, you fight to hold on and you fight to let go. Now being someone who has experienced a lot of change in my life I one hundred percent get this and today I wanted to just write how I’m feeling about change, about the changes that have happened and the changes to come. Enjoy!
Changes Of Health
I guess for me the biggest change in my life has been from being a healthy young women to a mother who has chronic health conditions. I have pituitary damage which causes a number of health issues from Adrenal Insufficiency to Human growth hormone deficiency to chronic fatigue and the list goes on.
Accepting life as it is now has not been easy. I struggle to accept I cannot do the things I once did. It’s hard for me to accept I will never be able to ski down a mountain or go swimming in the ocean or do many of the fun activities I’d do with my child if I had normal health.
It is hard to accept that my reality is a life of self Isolation. People complain about lockdown, about small bubbles and being stuck in the home. For me, this is my way of life. When I see comments about lock down effecting mental health, I think to myself, this is the norm for many with chronic illness… we “the continual sick” barely leave the home. We attend medical appointments and take rare outings which often result in further illness but the reality is I, like many with chronic health issues am living my own Isolation every day.
My long term Isolation is why I turned to the Internet and why I began a blog over 6 years ago. I wanted people to understand my situation. I wanted to let others know they are not alone and I wanted to share my story.
I wanted to show that despite the “changes” forced upon you though chronic illness, you can still have goals and dreams, I guess they just have to be different.
Changes In Life Goals
Five years ago I had a set of goals and dreams. I wanted to improve my health and reduce the number of hospital stays I had. I wanted to get out of my wheelchair and be able to do more in the home. I wanted to get an Adrenal Pump and be able to do much more than I was able.
I fought hard for three years and achieved my goals. I got an adrenal pump and my health improved to a point where I am stable enough to keep out of hospital most months. I am able to walk around my home and do things at a very low level by pacing myself. Of course, I have to pick and choose what I do. I don’t have the luxury of having a shower and cooking and tidying my room. I have to choose one task as that’s all the energy I have available.
I find by resting and pacing myself with physical tasks I can manage my life although it is not the life I would wish on anyone. The good news is I keep my mind busy, I continue to learn and grow and I continue to blog and share Inspirational Ideas here on my blog.
Changes At Home
Despite all the goals and dreams and the things I’ve tried to do, my goals have fallen short on so many occasions. In the last 18 months I travelled to see my parents which was huge. Apart from that I have barely left my home. My health worsened and I have suffered a lot physically and mentally.
I’ve decided if I am to accept this way of life – being unwell 90% of the time and if I am to face the reality that I need to isolate myself physically most days to protect my vulnerable and weakened immune system then I want a better living situation for myself and my family.
I want to live with my parents in New Zealand. I want my daughter to have both me and John and my parents to help and support her as she navigates the teenage years. I want my mum to be able to take Sylvia shopping for clothes and to take her for haircuts and do the things I’d do if my health permitted. I want that for my child!
I want Sylvia to have more family around her who can actually spend time with her rather than just having me – the mother who is always saying, I feel sick, I am tired. I want to give Sylvia quality time when we are together and also give her opportunities for quality time with cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents.
Change Of Home
I have a new dream and goal. It is to create a new living environment. When I move to New Zealand, I dream of building a beautiful and clean, disabled friendly annex or extension onto my parents home.
I would have a single level with no stairs, a bathroom where I can sit down to shower, a beautiful large bedroom space, an office and a studio kitchen where John can photograph and film recipes and crafts for our blog – The one thing that keeps me feeling alive! Now that is my new dream!
We just have to keep saving and doing our best to reach our goals. I know it is possible but good things take time.
Changes For The Blog
The hardest thing for me has been making changes to this blog The Inspiration Edit. I began blogging about my life and over the years things have changed. My daughter has grown and her interests have changed. No longer will she wear a dress in front of a camera. No longer is my child interested in toys. Sylvia has new older interests and these are not ones she really cares to share with the world. Fair enough, she doesn’t have to and I don’t expect her to.
In 2018 I discovered the Instant Pot and a method of cooking that I can enjoy with the help of my husband John. I love testing out new recipes with the help of my husband and giving tasty meals to the family. I’ve always been a great cook and although I can’t physically cook everyday and even rely on help to prepare and cook food, cooking is something I love and something I am really enjoying sharing here on the blog.
In fact I had a dream to make The Inspiration Edit into a food blog, yet I didn’t think I could do this with my health, I’ve simply learnt to adapt and from 2021, The Inspiration Edit will mainly focus on home life and recipes. This is where the quote comes in….. the fight to hold on and the fight to let go.
I’ll always continue to share my story and strive to be an Inspiration but I know that in order to reach my dream – to travel to New Zealand – to relocate and to pay for the dream living quarters, I need to niche down this blog.
Yet the teacher in me who has a love of educating young children and sharing fun ideas for kids constantly pops her head fighting to continue sharing this second passion of mine!
After a 18 month battle in my mind, I have come up with a long term solution to allow me to share all my passions – in a way that will inspire others but also help our family to reach our new dreams and goals.
I started a second blog 10 months ago called Craft Play Learn. I’ve slowly worked on it and will continue to do so. This blog however is going to remain under the branding of THE INSPIRATION EDIT! – it is called Craft, Play, Learn by The Inspiration Edit.
Whilst this site and The Inspiration Edit Crafts site will share Instagram and twitter feeds, each site will have their own Pinterest and Facebook channels. That for me is manageable and I can promote recipes on the one domain whilst sharing crafts on the other.
This is not the norm. I know, many bloggers if they have a second or third blog have them branded differently and keep them separate but I’m not the average blogger. I have to adapt and find a way for things to work for me and after a few years of deep thought, I am making the transition, one I am struggling with- as letting go from the things you know and do can be hard – despite knowing it is best.
Change Is Scary
It’s scary because change is not easy. I feel like I’m letting down a few of my loyal followers who loved the blog for all the variety I share. Yet, at the same time my loyal readers know my situation and understand that I need to make changes to progress and reach my dreams.
It’s also scary because changing direction will result in lost opportunities. PR companies I have worked with will stop working with me as I’ll no longer meet their criteria or relate to the types of audience they want to reach. This year has been pretty rough in terms of blog work anyway, due to the pandemic and the current recession so maybe it is a good time to implement these changes. Maybe this is just meant to be.
On a positive note, I will have an opportunity to re-direct and focus each domain better and that will in time – maybe months, maybe years lead to new and different opportunities. I just don’t know what they will be.
It’s all so scary and this is a hard thing to do. Change is hard. Changes in health, changes in life goals, changes in dreams and the plans and steps needed to make dreams a reality. The one thing I will always do is be consistent. I won’t quit, I won’t give up and I will continue to share my story and Inspire those around me.