Sharing is caring!

I Am A Blogger Who Peed In A Field

A Poem about Britmums

I am the blogger who peed in a field

This week I peed in a field!
It’s true I really did!
I peed in a beautiful huge green field
Somewhere between London and Sheffield
I really do have a story to tell
So sit back and listen and I’ll explain
How a chronically ill mother
ended up in a lane
That led to a field of grass and weeds
And then I peed and I peed and I peed.

So how did this all begin?

A weekend at BritMumsLive
Full of Bloggers and Mothers
Some fathers too!
A learning experience and
something quite new
To a mother such as I

I learnt a lot, I had such fun.
I talked and talked and talked
The social event of my life I’d say
Nothing at all will keep me away
From the next BritMumsLive
Not even my Chronic illness
and my many Daysinbed.

If I wrote what I’d learnt I’d be here all day
There’s so much that I’d have to say.
What I will share is the pain in my heart for the mother who had lost her babe.
And the mother who’s daughter had ended her life, I cant possibly know how she feels.
A feeling of pride etched into my heart to be sat amongst women of steel.

I listened to the Northern Dad whose voice was just like my own.
A funny and sincere example of being a newbie dad.

He made me feel more normal and be grateful for what I have.

My proudest moment was listening to a Mother who’s child has downs.
My heart clung on to each word she spoke, that her child deserved to live.
This woman was bold, her story she told of a man so ignorant and rude.
It touched my heart deep down inside as there is a truth I will not hide,

My brother is special too!

A chromosome deletion makes my brother different to all.
The first one in the world of his kind. With elvish ears and a childlike mind.
But I love him with all my heart.
He is my brother that cannot change but something I know sure can!
And that my friends is ignorance, the true disability of the man whose opinion caused such uproar!

Now I move on to the one speech that tore me up inside.
The tears flowed, my heart ached and I listened and I cried and I cried.
A Mother shared her experience of her partner so chronically ill.
She spoke of her child a little boy who could not understand too.
Why his daddy was ill and unable to play and do all the things healthy dad’s do!

I thought of my child as my heart ached inside.
There are questions she asks me each day.
Why are you sick again Mummy?
Why won’t this bug go away?

She prays to God for me to be well, for my sickness to just disappear.
She’s just a child, starting out her life and the burden she has is unfair.
My daughter should be out playing with friends and learning to play and to share.

Instead my child won’t go away. She does not want to leave my side.

She worries about Mummy laying sick in bed and would rather stay inside.

At times I wish I was invisible and sometimes I want to hide.
I even questioned if she would be better off if mummy had died?
I want my child to have a normal life, to swim and run and play.
But my child just wants to stay with me and make sure that I’m okay.

I try to give my daughter the childhood she deserves.
To stay positive and happy everyday, to show I love and care.
We read and play and talk away.
Even if this is in the bed each day.
Our life is different to healthy folk.
But we still laugh and sing and we always joke.
As this is the way we have learned to cope with the illness in our lives.

Chronic illness takes something from us all. He really is a thief!
I hate asking my child to go away, to let me rest in peace.
My heart stings when my daughter questions “when will you do what the other mums do?”.
When she stamps and shouts and screams and throws a toy or two.
I understand the frustration my daughter feels each day.
For mummy has Adrenal Insufficiency and that is here to stay.

Yet a glimmer of hope shines brightly in my heart and mind.
An adrenal pump, life changing is what I need to find.
A medical treatment so rare and new.
That this is only given to a few.
But it changes lives I’ve seen.

I could have an adrenal pump if I paid the price in cash.
But my illness has taken my chance to work as a teacher as I once planned.
My knowledge and skills won’t go to waste, instead I’ll find a way.
To write a blog whilst sick and I’ll save the money one day.

I’m also going to fundraise and raise awareness too.
And try to help not just myself but little children too.
For Molly a child I know has suffered for many years.
And with the funds and research she could be hanging with her peers.

Our lives would be changed for the better.
Our health would drastically improve.
We wouldn’t need the wheelchairs
And our bodies would feel as new.
So far I’ve raise £120. It really is not enough.
But I’m not doing this for just myself
I’m doing it for all of us.

I’m fighting for flight for Molly. I’m fighting for Sylvia too.
For Sylvia deserves a mummy, a mummy as healthy as you.

So I attended BritMums to help me find a way.
To fundraise and be business savvy so that I can pay.
For medical treatment that surely will help to change my life.
So I can be a healthy Mum and a healthy Wife.

So on the way home from BritMumsLive,
I really couldn’t wait.
I desperately needed the bathroom
Yet I knew I’d be too late.
I asked my hubby to pull over as I could not wait no more.
And then I crouched in a field and I peed all over the floor.

Angela x         

To Read More about my health Journey visit the Adrenal Diaries.