This week has been a week of pain and anxiety and to be honest, I think I just need to write how I feel down and share because this is for me a great way of making sense of the world as I know it.
A Week Of Pain And Anxiety
As you may or may not know, I’ve had problems with my teeth for some time now. After almost one year, I managed to get all the tooth issues sorted with the exception of one tooth.
The final problem tooth was waiting for root canal treatment. My Dentist would not begin the treatment until May as she said I needed to have three months without problems before she could begin the treatment.
I didn’t get the rational and still don’t get it but it’s all down to NHS rules and regulations and if you’re getting treatment from a NHS dentist, (because you can’t afford private rates) then you have rules to follow.
So last week the pain came back. I had been (toothache free) for 3 weeks but the pain came back and it was unbearable. I laid awake all night on Friday and by Saturday morning I was shattered.
I rang the Emergency Dentist at opening hours and was number 38 in the queue. There must have been a lot of people with toothache on Friday!
Anyway, after a one and half hour wait on the phone, it was my turn and I was able to get an Emergency dental appointment at 8.45Pm Saturday night.
I decided to have my tooth removed. My options were, having the tooth redressed, (which I’ve had done about 11 times – with fillings and needles) and then waiting for the pain to return and getting it redressed again or removing the tooth.
I opted to have the tooth removed. At the end of the day, I was told there was a chance the tooth (root canal) might fail and if so, I don’t want to delay the pain for another 5-6 months for nothing.
Also, we are planning to visit my family in August and the last thing I want is to be suffering severe tooth pain overseas. I will be sick enough travelling with chronic illness so I opted to have my tooth removed on Saturday night and begin the healing process.
Another Dry Socket And An Infection
I did all I could to protect the gum after my tooth was removed. I seriously tried my best. I ate soft food, avoided chewy foods. I avoided hot drinks, tried not to spit and followed the guidelines with exactness.
However, I’m dependent on steroids to live and one of the side effects is slow healing. My mouth developed a dry socket and the pain has been intense.
I’ve had severe pain in my jaw and gum. I have struggled to cope with the pain and it’s kept me awake a lot at night and the pain medication has knocked me out several times in the day.
I went back to the Dentist and she confirmed the dry socket. She placed a clove dressing in my gum which remained for about 3-4 hours and gave me temporary relief but the pain came back again and again.
My mouth hurts, the gums around the extraction area hurt. The tooth next to the extracted tooth is exposed and in severe pain and I can’t open my jaw.
The Dentist also prescribed antibiotics as she said I had developed an infection.
Infections and pain affect my chronic and life threatening illness Adrenal Insufficiency” and so I have had to triple my steroid dose and I’ve been suffering lots of symptoms of low cortisol. The worst has been the headaches.
I literally have been unable to do anything and it’s been so frustrating.
The things I would have liked to do this week were:
- Get Up
- Cook Dinner
- Have a Shower
- Go to Church
- Work On The Blog – Reply to emails and complete important tasks
- Watch television without a migraine
- Read and learn more about Essential Oils
- Do The Laundry
- Tidy The Rooms
- Visit the Doctor
- Go to an Activity with the women from my church on Wednesday night. –
- Go To The Supermarket
- Brush my hair
These are some of the things I wanted to do but have either had no energy or felt too unwell to do. My headaches have been severe as has the toothache, gum and jaw pain and I have just felt sick, dizzy and nauseous.
It’s been really difficult and I am not going to hide just how hard it has been.
A Mixture of Emotions and Anxiety
Due to how ill I have been, I have felt a number of emotions. Firstly I have felt disappointed. I felt so disappointed over the things I have been unable to do. I have also felt frustrated and sad.
I’ve not been depressed but I have felt upset and frustrated that I have needed to just rest and sleep so much. I’ve felt frustrated because in my mind I have a whole list of things I want and need to do and I simply can’t do them.
I have also felt anxious and stressed.
I’ve not been anxious about my health. The reality is I am so used to being unwell it does not give me anxiety, what does stress me out though is money and earning a living.
Running a blog is hard work and costs a whole lot of money. People often don’t realise the many costs involved.
While I have been unwell over the past six months, I have hired a VA to help me to promote my content on Pinterest and other social media. I’ve had helped with lots of tasks, however the reality is we cannot afford to continue down this route.
Financial Stress When Sick
We need to earn an income as a family as I have to pay for my Adrenal Pump medication each month along with other things and running a family blog has certainly helped with this.
However with Brexit looming and my continual chronic sickness, I have not been able to take on any paid work this year. Yet I’ve still had to pay out the costs of keeping the blog afloat.
John and I have had to talk realistically and come to the decision that I am simply too unwell right now. It’s been hard and I have goals and dreams but I have decided to place them on a temporary hold.
At the end of the month (After Apirl), this blog is going to become a “Hobby Blog”, meaning, I will continue to write and share and do what I’m doing, including reviewing products but I won’t be seeking paid opportunities.
It’s not forever, it’s just a temporary measure as I need to focus on my health a lot more and there is no point continuing to hire staff to help grow my blog when I can’t keep up and earn the money to cover the costs.
I had a five year plan to have a full time income and work as a full time blogger but I am not well, my health is not the same as many bloggers, I have chronic health problems and I simply cannot do this right now.
It’s been stressful and I have felt so anxious and worried about everything and it has been hard to come to a decision.
Continue To Grow
I plan to continue. I will still write and share awesome blog posts, I will still review toys and products and I will still work to grow my views and audience.
However I am ditching the stress of trying to earn a certain amount each month to cover bills and expenses. I’m just going to go back to blogging by myself, doing my own social media when I can and taking things at a much slower pace.
This is a bump in the road and I am frustrated and disappointed but I need a break. I need time out from the business side of things and so once the collaborations I’ve agreed to are done, I am going to take a few months out.
I’m not coping with everything right now and it won’t be easy but I am taking the break I need and putting myself first. I can always come back later and I will.
I look forward to being less stressed and having more time to rest and get well. I am hoping the tooth pain will be gone by the end of March and I can just focus on health and write whatever I want and find fun review opportunities for the blog and before I know it I will be back.
However, for now, I’ve made my choice and I am going to rest the business side of things.